Funny Army Shirts

The shirt GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
Show the world how much of a man or woman you REALLY are by throwing on a pair of Silkies and wearing this shirt!
We've already got two world-war championships -- don't make us pull a Pat Riley and three-peat. Merica.
1918. 1945. 20?? We've already got two world war championships -- don't make us pull a Pat Riley and three-peat. Merica.  
Sure. It's all fun and games with the toes in the sand and the surfing and the whatnot, but don't get it twisted, we're busting out the metal detectors 'cuz that beach better have my money!  
Those were the days... or maybe you just got NJP'ed...
Regardless of the question, it is the answer that refuses to be disputed. Why, you ask? Cuz 'Murica. That's why. Examples of some these questions include:Why is there bacon-eating contest at this funeral?Why do they sell fireworks at this liquor store?Why is (fill in the blank) famous?Why are they using...
The shirt is GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
The shirt that parodies "Alahu akbar", the last words uttered by dirtbag terrorists, just before they blow themselves to pieces. It's also used as a greeting by Pastafarians who consider eating to be a form of praying to the almighty flying spaghetti monster.
A favorite for military hardfucks everywhere...
"Before I ordered this shirt, I benched 225. Now, I can lift the souls of millions of oppressed peoples across the globe, bringing the almighty American might of the Bald Eagle to every foreign man, woman, and child. Makes me want to sling an M-60 across my back and liberate...
You have to be a special kind of stupid to take offense to a flag honoring our missing and captured. 
All lives have equal value. Unless you're a stinkin' commie or terrorist. But you get the point. Merica.
I am a US Veteran. My oath of enlistment has no expiration date.
There are no Ex-Servicemen. Our title is earned, never given and what's earned is yours forever. US Veteran.
When you’re fighting in the desert, you don’t want to be wearing the old red, white, and blue. Those are our home colors. When the game is played on their turf, it’s time to change into the multicam. Because we are proud, but we are not stupid.
Let "United We Stand" be a warning to terrorists around the globe, that no matter where they decide to cause havoc, the US will be there to lend support, help rebuild, and do whatever is necessary to rid the earth of the scum who look to disrupt a peaceful way...
Ladies, help spread the word...."All Lives Matter". It doesn't matter if you're black, brown, white, or a marvelous yet subtle shade of baby blue. I think we can all agree with this message. Let this shirt be a stepping stone to unity amongst people of all colors, with the exception...
Attention ladies, like the shirt states...."All Lives Matter". This includes the stylist who botched your last tint and perm. I'm afraid the guy checking out in front of you, who STILL hasn't mastered the art of using the supermarket credit card terminal, is also included. Throw in the barista who...
All lives have equal value. Unless you're a stinkin' commie or terrorist. But you get the point. Merica.
If you don't know what a DD-214 is, don't ask.
Anyone who put on the uniform in service of this great Country can lay claim to this shirt. Men and women from every branch, in any capacity, for any length of time. We salute you. You're, "Veteran As F***"
Anyone who put on the uniform in service of this great Country can lay claim to this shirt. Men and women from every branch, in any capacity, for any length of time. We salute you. You're, "Veteran As F***"
"The very first time I wore this shirt I felt like the soul of Honest Abe was becoming a part of me. Slaves have been free for a long time, but in the pet store I felt the overwhelming urge to free the various guinea pigs and rabbits and such...
Give the shirt that says, "Rifles aren't for everyone, but I hear you are really fast typist. "Worlds Okayest Soldier".
Grab the shirt that says, your service in the Coast Guard, technically make you a Veteran. The fact that you were a cook stationed in Alaska, in the mid-1980s, should only be revealed on a "need to know" basis. Trust me. *** Save an extra $5 Today only! *** World's...
This one's for every type of runner. If you are an awesome runner, you'll look humble. If you are an OK runner, you'll look honest. (Managed expectations - achieved!) If you are a terrible runner, you won't look completely inadequate. Until they see you run. Which you rarely do.
Hey, you can't always be the best at everything all the time. And even if you are, this is a great way to prove that you are also the best at being humble.
Toes in the sand, drink in the hand, a healthy tan... Beach life is idyllic -- but at the end of the day, that beach better have my money or there's gonna be hell to pay. ��
Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.
The shirt GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
This shirt is so moto it should be issued at bootcamp! oorah!
America has invented the most awesome away-colors on this planet: MULTICAM. With this good stuff, we’re not only the winning-est team on the battlefield, we’re the best-dressed team on the battlefield.
"I got this superb garment in the mail today. I could tell right away that there was something different about it--perhaps the chorus of Angels singing as a lone ray of light from heaven shone brilliantly upon this shirt, while I was indoors. Yes, its powers are that potent.Not wanting...
The oath of enlistment has no expiration. Proud US Veteran!
Ex-servicemen is a myth. The title is earned and forever. Veteran.
Do you only use the term "Veteran" because "Bad Ass Mother F******" won't et you saluted. If so, you are "Veteren As F***". Wear this shirt with pride.
Buy this shirt for your favorite, most okayest veteran friends and family. They will beam with ironic pride and gratitude. To which you say, “You are welcome”.
You’re a survivor, a badass, a hero… and you can drink until the sun comes up, run a mile, and then do a hundred pushups. Yep. You are Veteran as F***.
You are in the business of badassery. You wake up early, train hard, live hard, and make gains like a beast. Congratulations, you’ve earned the rank of “World’s Okayest Soldier”.
Are you a lover of: A) America B) Cats C) Captain America D) Chris Evans E) A combination of 2 - 3 of the above F) All of the above This one's for you.
If Professor Ned Brainard knocked a vial of Lion-O's ThunderCat DNA into the Super-Soldier serum, we're pretty sure this is what would have become of Steve Rogers. No longer destined to become Captain America, he'd have morphed into a sort of super-feline, somewhere along the lines of Cat In America. This is...
When you pursue a DD-214 instead of your PhD.
Image is on the back of the shirt. Perfect to wear with your cammies! Ships to FPO/APO/YourMom'sHouse The ultimate EAS shirt. 
When political correctness is more important than national security and social justice warriors just won't let me be, there's a phrase for that. Just smile and say, "Aloha Snackbar!"
Ladies, you may not own a gun, but you believe it's our right to do so. You may not ever attend a Monster Truck Rally, but you'll listen intently as your husband gives you a play by play recap. You may have been brought up appreciating classical music, but will...
For all you women who don't like to mince words. Those who feel a lone "F" doesn't fully convey the message you're trying to send. Those of you used to having to spell things out for the ignorant people (husbands and boyfriends mostly) in their lives. Here's your version of...
1918. 1945. 20?? We've already got two world war championships -- don't make us pull a Pat Riley and three-peat. Merica.
Aren't Mondays the worst? Who wants to be a standstill on the freeway, subjected to talk radio, and sweating your balls off? If I'm going to be sweating, I'd rather be out killing terrorists. Anything is better than the freeway.
If you keep our nation’s POW’s and MIA’s in your heart and prayers, if you salute the American flag with honor, and if you like to tell all the haters “go f*** yourself!”, then this shirt is for you.
Wear the shirt in support are brave serviceman around the world. That is all except Carl. Ladies, you all know a "Carl". He's that idiot who claimed to have done 4 tours in Iraq, but really got kicked out of ROTC for acting like a D-Bag. Screw him and all...
"Try to Stomp on this Flag", a strong message that speaks volumes about the person bold enough to wear it on her t-shirt. It acts as both a warning and a dare. Anyone you meet will know that you mean business. A simple t-shirt + a strong statement = instant...
Because you're from a country of champions, and everyone should know it. Don't make us 3-peat!
The Ladies version of the shirt that pretty much says it all. The US doesn't drop bombs because they want to, but because they have to. The underlying reason for every US offensive is Freedom. Whether spreading its meaning, or protecting it from tyranny. When we do it, we do...
Here's to all those times you've had to bend over and enjoy the green weenie. Cheers.



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