ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

Move over, Aristocats—there’s a new pussycat posse in town. Sure, they love playing with balls of yarn, climbing kitchen curtains and ignoring humans, but more than anything, they’re about the very thing that makes America great—freedom. Without the power to make it happen, how else would they make a name...
For most middle-aged men with hairlines retreating faster than the French army, feelings of shame, despair and anguish begin to set in. Fortunately, as America’s official emblem, the bald eagle summons emotions of a more confident, stalwart nature. Yes, the head of a bald eagle looks like a cue ball,...
Serving as America’s national bird, the bald eagle has already done more than enough to earn the respect of patriots everywhere. Following in Neil Armstrong’s steps, however, the bird will soar to new heights, checking intergalactic travel off of its to-do list. So, if muscular enough to show off your...
You don't have to worry about wearing this shirt in public - Floyd Mayweather wouldn't be able to read it anyways.
Brain freezes, sticky fingers and sugar rushes aside, growing up, nothing was more American than chowing down on a few Rocket Pops. Years later, no matter if your biceps look Hulk Hogan’s or a pair of popsicle sticks, this tank top is for you.
Is there anything cuter than patriotic puppies? These All-American pooches will ensure you get picked first for the 4th of July kickball tournament. Order yours now for the holiday bark-b-que.
Who knew exploring new worlds could be so adorable? Puppy astronaut is the American hero we've all been hoping for. He deserves a treat and a belly rub after all that probing. Such a good boy!
Everything tasted better in those iconic '90s solo jazz cups. Recapture that magic every time you pull on this solo jazz inspired tank this summer.
Shockingly, most of the world’s inhabitants believe pizza originates from parts of Central and Southern Italy. To put this in perspective, however, those same people are also afraid of North Korea and Kim Jong-un’s haircut—see what we’re getting at, here? Breathe easy, faithful patriots—pizza is as American as baseball, apple...
Cursed for causing small children to choke and adults to feel intense pain when stepped on, American legos have done away with their earthly existence, making lego independence day more of an intergalactic affair. Fortunately, they decided to take the American flag with them on their journey: “That’s one small...

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ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

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