EVERY DAY IS INDEPENDENCE DAY WHEN YOU'RE AMERICAN AF

I bought Shake. My brother bought Bake. As soon as we received our shirts, we opened the box and a bald eagle with a mullet flew out at top speed. We took this as a good omen. As we tried on our new Shake & Bake shirts, we felt the...

I bought Shake for myself, and Bake for my grandson. That little pecker never looked happier in his whole life. When he saw me wearing Shake, and went to change into & Bake, he had been wearing some stupid shirt with a lesbian named Justin Bieber on it. That move...

" When I ordered this shirt I was pretty stoked. I imagined the shirt would be cool and comfy. But when I received it in the mail I was blown away - figuratively and literally. Rays of red, white, and blue poured forth from the package as I opened it...

"I have to admit, after reading the reviews, I was a bit skeptical. How could a shirt, a simple piece of cloth, transform so many lives? Well brothers and sisters, I'm here to tell you I'm now a believer. Upon wearing this shirt, the results were unmistakable. My children suddenly...

" This shirt is the reason the constitution was written. Now that I have it, the flag waves more gallantly, the stars in the evening sky are brighter, and eagles fly faster than before. Once I laid eyes on this shirt, it was obvious that mother freedom would backhand the...

George Washington knew you couldn't make something great if it didn't exist to begin with. Smart guy.

In our future post-apocalyptic world, you’ve got to have a good supply of shirts to help you blend in. This FDR tank will be perfect. It will melt into the surrounding devastation, AND it will help show off my f***ing awesome biceps, which will no doubt triple in size. It...

I swear this shirt makes my bulge look bigger. Like its great powers of badassery increased my dick size by 6 inches. But that’s not all - not by a long shot. I can now shoot a squirrel from a half-mile away, and a butterfly from a quarter-mile. Those motherf***in...