• 50% Cotton, 50% Polyester
  • Soft, smooth fabric - because your All-American thighs deserve it
  • Machine washable, with 3" waistband

"The first time I put these pants on, I went outside and caught a bald eagle with my bare hands and tamed it. I had to train him to peck the Italian supermodels who throw themselves at me the instant they see the stars and stripes flapping in the breeze, clinging to my 4' calves. Want to know why? THEY'RE NOT AMERICAN THAT'S WHY

Every morning, I put on my American flag pants and print out a copy of the Declaration of Independence and consume it for sustenance before I hop in my Ford F650 and drive to work, which is WalMart. I manage a store, because they got one good look at this 100% constitutional garment and collapsed to the floor, weeping with pride for the USA of America. I was instantly promoted and make $17.76 per hour.

On the weekends, the first thing I do is put on my American flag pants (both legs at one time, of course), and crane-kick communists and terrorists.  I own nine pairs of these. 'MURICA"

S Height 5'2"-5'7", Waist 24"-28", Inseam 31"
M Height 5'6"-5'10", Waist 28"-33", Inseam 32".
L Height 5'9"-6'2", Waist 34"-37", Inseam 33".
XL Height 5'10"-6'4", Waist 38"-42", Inseam 33.5".
2XL Waist 44"-48", Inseam 33.5".
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  • 50% Cotton, 50% Polyester
  • Soft, smooth fabric - because your All-American thighs deserve it
  • Machine washable, with 3" waistband

"The first time I put these pants on, I went outside and caught a bald eagle with my bare hands and tamed it. I had to train him to peck the Italian supermodels who throw themselves at me the instant they see the stars and stripes flapping in the breeze, clinging to my 4' calves. Want to know why? THEY'RE NOT AMERICAN THAT'S WHY

Every morning, I put on my American flag pants and print out a copy of the Declaration of Independence and consume it for sustenance before I hop in my Ford F650 and drive to work, which is WalMart. I manage a store, because they got one good look at this 100% constitutional garment and collapsed to the floor, weeping with pride for the USA of America. I was instantly promoted and make $17.76 per hour.

On the weekends, the first thing I do is put on my American flag pants (both legs at one time, of course), and crane-kick communists and terrorists.  I own nine pairs of these. 'MURICA"

S Height 5'2"-5'7", Waist 24"-28", Inseam 31"
M Height 5'6"-5'10", Waist 28"-33", Inseam 32".
L Height 5'9"-6'2", Waist 34"-37", Inseam 33".
XL Height 5'10"-6'4", Waist 38"-42", Inseam 33.5".
2XL Waist 44"-48", Inseam 33.5".
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