ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

"This shirt was everything it said it was. It's pure America. Not only is the quality well and it fit good. It also gives a feeling of true American Bad Assery when you wear it. It can be described as flying on an American Bald Eagle as it shoots fucking...
Because you're from a country of champions, and everyone should know it. Don't make us 3-peat!
"You know how in the movies when someone unsheathes a sword you hear the "shwing" sound it makes? Putting this tank top on, you hear the battle cry of a bald eagle taking down a tea-drinking tyrant. Merica."
Much like diabetes, communism is a disease of the heart. Keep your heart pure by saying the Pledge of Allegiance each and every day. Keep the commies away by saying it as loud and as obnoxiously as possible, preferably while holding a Budweiser with an American flag draped over your...
The American gene has passed down several hereditary symptoms over time: winning wars, landing on moons and having FREEDOM.
Back to back World War champs and extraterrestrial conquerers. 'Merica is shooting for the stars and Mars is next on our list!
4th of July: The only day it's socially acceptable to get drunk and blow things up. Is there anything more American than that?
Mars may be the most ambitious sequel of our lifetimes but never forget the landing that started it all! You can't beat the classics.
"I purchased this shirt thinking it would be funny to wear to the gym every once in a while and make some people laugh. Boy did I underestimate the power of this tank. The first day I wore the tank to the gym, I got there at about 5am and...
Teddy Roosevelt? More like, Teddy Swolesevelt! Before Tom Selleck came on the scene, this buff teddy bear was rocking the most celebrated 'stache in the land and flexing on business trusts. Getting nasty on a regimen of gymnastics and weight-lifting, this Rough Rider's physique was rugged AF. Here's to the...
The history books may not give George Washington props for it, but the first prez was swole AF. Factor in that whole cherry tree incident, and this founding father was the OG of the Woodsman Workout too.
"Since buying this shirt: I have been invited to sing national anthems at baseball games. People have stopped treading on me. Women address me as Mr. Theodore Abraham Washington, the LXIX before throwing themselves at my feet (which generally hover above the ground). I can drink 16 oz of Budweiser...
You don't even need a background check to get your hands on this fully semi-automatic high power assault sauce. Unbelievable!
I'm not drunk, I'm American. This is how we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S. of A! Drinkin' beer and kicking @ss!
This shirt is for the silent majority--those patriotic Americans that don't constantly brag about climbing mountains nor running marathons. Because waving the flag is the only cardio you need!
"When I opened the package, I was literally in tears. This great country of ours is represented perfectly in this Tank Top. My love for American and now this Tank Top is strong as the Mississippi current. Abraham Lincoln, the most beautiful man to have lived, sportin' Sun Glasses because...
Because I was inverted. Keeping up foreign relations!  
Grab your wingman and keep up with foreign relations the American way: putting warheads on foreheads.
"As soon as I put it on, my house started shaking. I walked outside and saw 1776 bald eagles sitting on my roof. They all in perfect unison saluted with their right wing. I saluted back and they screeched the anthem then flew off. In the sky they made an...
Show your love for America's favorite patriotic pastime this summer. Beer pong proves that sports and alcohol DO mix. You sink it, they drink it!
I bought Shake. My brother bought Bake. As soon as we received our shirts, we opened the box and a bald eagle with a mullet flew out at top speed. We took this as a good omen. As we tried on our new Shake & Bake shirts, we felt the...
I bought Shake for myself, and Bake for my grandson. That little pecker never looked happier in his whole life. When he saw me wearing Shake, and went to change into & Bake, he had been wearing some stupid shirt with a lesbian named Justin Bieber on it. That move...
Do you think America’s Founding Fathers were worried about people’s feelings when they wrote the Constitution? No, they were too busy polishing their muskets and fine-tuning the 2nd Amendment. Be like the Founding Fathers. Assert your Freedom with your tshirt.
What does the message on my shirt mean?..... Under the stars and stripes of America, I was born with certain unalienable rights, and I'll die with the same rights. The time in between, I'll spend defending them against any whining, crying, sniveling panty waste looking to take them away from...
Attention, any Country who successfully lands people on the Moon. First off, we'd like to welcome you. You're about 50 years too late, but that's beside the point. Take a look around, snap some photos, then get back into your craft and move along. I hear the weather in Mars...
You’ve heard the old adage, right? “Finders keepers, losers weepers.” Though usually rearing its ugly head amongst groups of painfully spoiled children, the phrase now means more to NASA and the American people than ever before—that’s right, using the MARS Rover, we staked our claim on Mars. Must really suck...
There are 2 types of countries in the world: those who use the metric system and those who have landed on the moon!
Ahhh...The good old days. Economy was great, future looked bright, and we just pointed our nukes at anyone who threatened us.
"Cautionary statement: wearing this shirt may cause uncontrolled sudden surges of pure American patriotism. It may inspire the wearer or those in the vicinity to spontaneously erupt in song: most often the national anthem or America the Beautiful. I give it five stars, all the stripes, and bombs bursting in...
The perfect message for the trendy college hipster in your life. Looks like capitalism wins again, dou-CHE-bag.
You and your significant other need to put on this t-shirt (that's right, order a pair of these badboys). Grab a couple of 12 packs, some fireworks, and Old Glory. Hit your favorite party spot and see what happens. That's called getting "Star Spangled Hammered". It doesn't have to be...
No matter your feelings about the 2016 election, we all could use a little more love in our life. Bring back that loving feeling and start campaigning for Maverick and Goose in 2020.
Featuring Maverick, one of the best characters of all time. Get the t shirt and relive the magic.
The only candidate that could possible destroy the Maverick/Goose two party system -- Iceman. We all know he was the coolest character in -- pun intended.
Every Goose has its Maverick, and every Maverick has its Goose. The important thing is that you have a wingman. So don’t forget to buy your bro one too. 
General Mattis knows what it takes to have a successful 4th of July -- or general summer. It's a plan. Be polite, be prepared, but have a plan to kill every beer you see.
All lives have equal value. Unless you're a stinkin' commie or terrorist. But you get the point. Merica.
Our home colors might be red, white and blue, but our away colors are definitely something you don't want coming for you.
The shirt GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
"This shirt changed my life. As I unboxed my package and saw my shirt, I decided to put it on. The second I put this shirt on I felt courageous for the first time in my life... There was a slight tingling sensation that shot through my body like an m1...
"This shirt changed my life. As I unboxed my package and saw my shirt, I decided to put it on. The second I put this shirt on I felt courageous for the first time in my life... There was a slight tingling sensation that shot through my body like an...
Everybody’s got that one buddy who’s crazier than a snake’s armpit. Even more maddening, with beer in his belly, destruction of property, public embarrassment and long-lasting memories are bound to take place—there’s nothing better. However, no matter how wild and crazy he might get, there’s one patriot who can easily...
A very fine line exists in the world today. If you still don't know where you stand just ask yourself "Has my country landed on the moon?"
"As a hardcore t-shirt connoisseur, the quality of this product is epic, as is the graphic that is masterfully silk screened to this fine t-shirt. Lick n' Stick graphic this is not. I couldn't of torn my button-up work shirt off any faster if I was on a prom date....
Ensure you're getting 100% of the nutrients needed to maintain a whole and balanced 'Merican Diet. It's 100% Communism free and full of Freedom.
Do you routinely list “protein” as a job qualification on your résumé? Does the thought of tomorrow’s “leg day” keep you awake at night? And lastly, do yoga pants make you wildly randy? If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, odds are high that you not only...
Show the world how much of a man or woman you REALLY are by throwing on a pair of Silkies and wearing this shirt!
Summer might be coming to an end soon but that doesn't mean shorts season is too. Everyday is leg day when the sky's out so let those thighs out!
Suns out, buns out! Are we talking about grills or girls? That's for you to decide.
Make certain nobody ever forgets the sweet face of Harambe, one of America's true heroes. Serve up guilt -- just like mom used to make -- to that the person staring at your chest that they ever spend a moment thinking about anything other than this true patriot of an...
You long to see, touch and caress them. You want to hear them purr. Tell her in this "Show me Your Kitties" t-shirt. Then tell her you'd like to see her cat too. The last four sentences were meant for entertainment purposes only. We are not responsible for injuries (emotional...
You have cat to be kitten me right meow! 
Before Snapchat, if you wanted to send a saucy picture of a controversial Richard -- you had to develop that photo and mail it. Show off that Richard pic with no shame in this printed tee.
Be FLEXable. When you're too close for missiles, you've gotta switch to guns.
This is Sparta! No, this is ‘Merica! No, this is America with the spirit of the Spartans. Now put on your battle shirts, because tonight we dine in hell!
If the jolly roger and the American flag had a baby, it would be this darkly patriotic shirt. If you are an American, and you will salute the flag until the day you die, and you represent all that is American-as-f***, then this is your shirt.
"Before I ordered this shirt, I benched 225. Now, I can lift the souls of millions of oppressed peoples across the globe, bringing the almighty American might of the Bald Eagle to every foreign man, woman, and child. Makes me want to sling an M-60 across my back and liberate...
Some special occasions -- like the Independence Day -- require a higher level of partying. If you're going to get so drunk you have to crawl home, at least do it like a Marine. Make General Chesty proud.
Old George was the OG that BREXIT’D before it was cool. All you other haters are just imitators. Movers and players without any booty shakers. Let’s hear it for America!
Mr. America just got a whole lot more 'Merica, brother! He is a real American and fights for the rights of every man.
Do you wake up to the sounds of screamin' eagles every morning to salute the beautiful red, white, and blue of Old Glory? Is your ring tone the Star Spangled Banner? Then you're American AF -- and you need this shirt.
"This shirt gives you a raging freedom boner and pisses of commie scum simultaneously. The best part is your freedom boner is so huge you've already got a tool to beat the commies up and send them home with a concussion provided by some Grade A USDA approved beef. They'll...
You've seen the Jersey Tuxedo, the Hillbilly Tuxedo, but there's one tuxedo to trump them all. The Merican Tuxedo shirt combines all the great things about our nation. Make your Independence Day a little bit classier.
"I put this shirt on early this morning, and had an eagle soaring above while I drove to work. As I parked my car there were two Isis members that jumped from behind the bushes. The two men immediately bowed down to me in the face of glory. They started...
"This shirt is the balls, there is no other shirt that even compares to the red, white, and blue that radiates off this thing. It wakes up every morning and pisses excellence. With the mixture of this shirt and my long, sexy mullet, the chicks are lining up. I wear...
This is how patriots take a knee and protest tyranny and oppression all over the world one shell at a time. What do you stand for?
I don't see how you can hate from outside of the club. You can't even get in. Hahahaha! Leggo.
George Washington knew you couldn't make something great if it didn't exist to begin with. Smart guy. Also check out > Washington Make America V1
It's not some piece of cloth and a song. It's a symbol that represents those who have fought, died and sacrificed for us to live in the greatest nation on earth.
Drugs never stood a chance after Ronald Reagan declared a war on them in 1982. Ragin' Reagan set his target on America's biggest enemy and flexed his presidential power to make certain every young American declared, "Just say no!" But you can just say yes, to wearing this shirt. To...
When someone tells you to get your life together -- and it's only noon? That's how you know you're doing it right. You're day drunk for America. And it feels great!
The shirt that says your hearts still beating and your Country is still standing tall. It will take an awful lot to take either of us down. Together we stand, divided we fall.
A tshirt for when you know your gains are going to be so massive it's unholy. Father please forgive me, for these gains I'm about to receive -- because it's going to be sick.
If drinking was an olympic sport we'd be the greatest team in the world. Take home the gold this summer... For America!
"I purchased this shirt because I love America, bald eagles, and mullets. However, unbeknownst to me, when I put it on I mentally transform into a robosoldier capable of bringing security and justice to those in need. I feel the need to help the elderly and read to small children....
Whether it be the high-and-mighty demeanor, sneeze-inducing dander or unpleasant smell, America’s nationwide cat craze is both inexplicable and undeniable. Blame it on the Internet, ancient Egyptians or painfully single women, there’s just something about cats The Stars and Stripes can’t shake. No worries—rather than fight it, embrace it. Here...
Patriotism has never been looked this paw-some. Red, white, and blue sunglasses help Americat 2.0 shield his eyes from the bright lights of the 4th of July sun. A shirt built for Independence, but appro-purr-ate for any occasion.
"This shirt is the best thing to happen to me since the creation of democracy. Nothing screams freedom like your chest being gently cradled by this justice inducing shirt while every angry anti-US protester and nut job you see grimaces with jealousy."
We proudly stand for the National Anthem. Why? For those who gave some and for those who gave all. Do you know what you stand for?
Alexander Hamilton is well recognized as a Founding Father and promoter of the US Constitution, but it's his 2nd amendment biceps that really got sh*t done. Check out those Hamilguns on this tshirt. If you hulk out too much, it is available sans-sleeves.
The message on this t shirt got me so fired up one 4th of July. How fired up? After tossing back a 12'er, my buddies say that I went running down Main Street wearing this shirt and no pants. Apparently, I was waving a large American flag with lit sparklers...
When you celebrate the greatest country in the world's Independence Day, you have to go big. You're more than patriotic -- you're rad. Rad, white, and blue.a'."
It’s no longer 1999 and S-Club 7 might be out of the pop culture picture, but that doesn’t mean old-school parties can’t kick it like they once did, right? As such, if you fought or would’ve fought for The Red, White and Blue as an Allied force in one of...
"Due to the pure testosterone this shirt gives off coupled with my beard I cannot wear this shirt in public or women will fight to the death for the chance to mate with me. So I just wear it around the house when im falling trees or bulldozing something as...
"Straight out of the box this shirt transformed me so be weary:Be aware that you will instantly grow a beard that rivals Dan bilzerian and Dos Equis' most interesting man--my phone would not stop ringing from countless celebrities of the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Daenerys Targaryen from the game...
"I got this superb garment in the mail today. I could tell right away that there was something different about it--perhaps the chorus of Angels singing as a lone ray of light from heaven shone brilliantly upon this shirt, while I was indoors. Yes, its powers are that potent.Not wanting...
The American heart hasn't stopped beating since 1776 and won't slow down anytime soon. Old Glory flies proudly in all patriots who bleed red, white and blue.
Mama always told you God made you extra special. Where just a dash of patriotism should have gone, you have a whole heap. It's a happy mistake from above!
The best policy is making America First again! Awesome tees are a close runner up, though.
Show you really care with Patriot Bear. He's staking a claim for the USA for the perfect party location. A shirt for a very special 4th.
Merica Bear is ready to party. This red, white, and blue bear is ready to cheers for patriotism. Happy 4th! 'Merica!!
Cardio? I don't understand that language. This is America - we speak American!
She gave you life, now you're protecting hers. Kill a Commie for Mommy, she'll be so proud.
“Immediately when i put it on i felt like the urine in my bladder was transformed into the water from the delaware from the exact same night george washington crossed it to wish merry christmas to the british.”
America comes first. And that means AMERICANS come first! Has society forgotten about our children and their dreams? 
Proud to be American? Prove it by going twinsies with this one-of-two tshirts that celebrate our nation's founding in 1776.
Grab your bestie and this two-piece shirt set to show just how proud you are. Proud Americans know the world became a better place in 1776.
I can't wait for "American As F*** Independence Day" to become a National Holiday. Do you know how many f'n days we'd have off? Get the shirt and spread the word. If we act quick, there's a good chance we could get a House vote before the Holiday break.
When the only triggers in your life are the ones you aim downrange and the only safe space you need is behind the butt of your rifle.
Get the shirt that says you're an American through and through. A patriotic American who occasionally likes to drink an alcoholic beverage or two. It's called, getting "Red, White, and Boozed"
Teddy Roosevelt was a man’s man. Not only did he rock one of the smoothest, most confident mustaches known to mankind, but he was a well-known outdoorsman, frequently skinny-dipped in the Potomac River while in office and was nearly blind in one eye, due to an injury obtained in a...
Get the shirt that will leave you feeling like David Blaine. Patriotic people will surround you at every turn....It's like magic. Your freinds will soon be following your message too. Unless of course you hang out with a lot of fish or snakes.
Introducing the latest t shirt from our "FU Isis" line of Fall and Winter wear. The freedom finger is fast becoming an iconic symbol. Subtle yet explosive, this shirt never fails to deliver its patriotic message.
Dish out some freedom against all enemies, foreign and domestic. No salt required.
"This shirt came out of the box and I was immediately 200% more 'Murica! After 14 years in the Army I thought I was pretty patriotic, but I immediately got a freedom erection (Freerection) which- no lie- became an Army Ranger and hunted down a terrorist cell all on its...
What's that redcoat? I can't hear you over the 1776 decibels of freedom ringing in my ears.
Communism sucks but at least you won't have to redistribute your lousy shirt to the working class! There's a silver lining in everything.
"The very first time I wore this shirt I felt like the soul of Honest Abe was becoming a part of me. Slaves have been free for a long time, but in the pet store, I felt the overwhelming urge to free the various guinea pigs and rabbits and such...
The only colors you need to identify with are red, white, and blue. Stop whining about racial injustice. America is awesome. You're an American, now act like it!
If Professor Ned Brainard knocked a vial of Lion-O's ThunderCat DNA into the Super-Soldier serum, we're pretty sure this is what would have become of Steve Rogers. No longer destined to become Captain America, he'd have morphed into a sort of super-feline, somewhere along the lines of Cat In America. This is...
With free-flying bald eagles everywhere, enough military personnel to blow any world power to smithereens and more freedom than you can shake a stick at, what’s America got to apologize for? Nothing. That’s right—absolutely nothing. You’re American, and you’re better than everyone else. As such, never say sorry for being...
Your Midwestern upbringing forces you to say "thank you," even when that barista is being a total d-bag. You probably were taught to say "bless your heart" instead of STFU. You are polite AF, because you are a MF lady.
I wasn't quite sure what this "It's Merican Not Merican't" shirt was trying to say, until I put it on. I've been wearing it for eleven straight days now. I visited The Washington Monument, The Liberty Bell, Mount Rushmore, The Lincoln Memorial, The White House, The Baseball Hall of Fame,...
Are you an American or an Ameri-can’t? Neither. You are an “Amer-I-can’t Hear You Over All This Freedom!” So be loud and proud and get your freedom on!
"Sorry, I Can't Hear You". Sound off like you have a pair. Freedom isn't for the meek and soft spoken.
Will Ferrell is America. America is Will Ferrell.
Freedom is the major key, folks. Don’t forget it. This key unlocks all that makes America great. So don’t let the major key fall into the wrong hands.
Regardless of the question, it is the answer that refuses to be disputed. Why you ask? Cuz 'Murica. That's why. Examples of some of these questions include:Why is there a bacon-eating contest at this funeral?Why do they sell fireworks at this liquor store?Why is (fill in the blank) famous?Why are...
Those of you who are offended by the message on this t-shirt need to turn the page. I used the asterisk just for U.
Before "Make America Great Again" was decided upon, the message on this t-shirt was on the short list of slogans being considered during the early stages of Donald Trump's presidential campaign. Kinda catchy, isn't it?
Hate America? Call the moving company who specializes in one way relocations. What's the hourly charge? No charge. That's right, they'll move anyone who has a problem living in this great country, free of charge. They'll throw in one of these t-shirts as a parting gift.
A grinning Kevin (Fred Savage) experiencing his first kiss from Winnie Cooper. We aren't able to show the bottom half of the photo, as Fred is experiencing another first down there as well. "The Wonder Years" indeed.
Sly. Cunning. Wiley. Crazy. This fox has been called a lot of things - good and bad. And you know what he thinks about it? HE DOESN'T. Call him whatever you want because he's the one calling the shots, living life by his own rules, spreading joy and offending people...
Here's the perfect t-shirt for the man or woman who may look like a nice upstanding person on the surface, but deep down lurks the soul of a true a-hole. Why try to hide it. Do your fellow man a service, come right out and say it.
Abraham Lincoln was the O.G. of O.G.'s. Before "Black Lives Matter", he dropped, "The Emancipation Proclamation". Get yourself the shirt featuring Abe... A man way ahead of his time.
There's nothing more American than the smell and sound of huge engines revving down an open highway. With millions of miles of interstate, the land of the free runs on diesel. It's a beautiful time to be alive.
We've already got two world-war championships -- don't make us pull a Pat Riley and three-peat. Merica.
Sure. It's all fun and games with the toes in the sand and the surfing and the whatnot, but don't get it twisted, we're busting out the metal detectors 'cuz that beach better have my money!  
"Blink If You Want Me" The t-shirt that will guarantee you some action. You'll be the center of attention all night. Just stay away from that girl, with the crusty bloodshot eyeballs, over in the corner. She's a stubborn one.
"When I heard the UPS man at the door, I knew my Danger Zone shirt had arrived. Unfortunately, the delivery man was an ISIS insurgent sent to thwart the stalwart patriotism I hold for my country like that of Hacksaw Jim Duggan. A hellfire missile fired from a predator swiftly...
If you were alive during the 80's you know what this is all about!
Ah, the good ole days -- when everyone wasn't such a pussy. Tap into your nostalgia and your inner Clint Eastwood with this tshirt.
Ah, the good old days -- when everybody wasn't such a pussy. When everybody wasn't such a melting, whiny snowflake. It was a more magical time and you can relieve it with this General Mattis t-shirt.
"Now that I have this BAD-ASS T-shirt, no one ever messes with me. They used to bully me on the playground and call me a 'dirty hippie' or a 'democrat,' but now everyone knows that I'm totally rugged and bad-ass and 'MERICA. When I wear this shirt to the grocery...
"This shirt is not for Prius owners, martini drinkers, or fancy city-dweller folk. This tank was made for the individuals who drive lifted trucks, crush a Budweiser cans upon their foreheads without flinching, and for those who bleed red, bruise blue, and piss diesel fuel. Be prepared for the shot...
Nothing like a quote from Johnny Cash to wear proudly on the front of your t-shirt. Real words from a real American, and I think he means it.
I'm fluent in two languages: American and movie quotes. I like to let everyone know which languages to speak to me, so I wear this shirt everywhere I go.
"I just clicked over here to buy this shirt again for a third friend. It's secondary only to the great freedom our great nation spreads throughout the world in being my favorite gift to give to friends far and wide, especially those with UK citizenship whom I've taken under my...
The t-shirt says it all....L G B T...Liquor Guns Beer and Tits. As essential as Food, Water, Air, and Shelter. Trying to take one from you is not recommended. So don't waste your time.
A man who spoke his mind, if General Patton were around today, I bet he would have plenty to say. The message on this t-shirt for starters.
Wear this if you are not a hipster. But only if it's true. Don't be that obvious hipster who is always claiming not to be a hipster.
Everybody is good at something. If it just so happens that your something is watching people, then why not let everyone know who's the best. Get the t-shirt that says you hold the title. It would be hard to prove wrong.
Even when entering a spirited political debate, a gentleman (or gentlelady) always stays polite as fuck.
AMERICAN AF ON INSTAGRAM

ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

Search

Just added to your cart:
Qty:
Total:
Subtotal:
Excl. postage 
My Cart
Just added to your wishlist:
Excl. postage 
My Wishlist