• EVERY DAY IS INDEPENDENCE DAY WHEN YOU’RE AMERICAN AF!

ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

Because I was inverted. Keeping up foreign relations!  
Grab the shirt and help generate the word....."Mattis 2016"...Here’s four simple reasons why he is the write in candidate of 2016. He understands and loves America, possesses moral clarity, is a perpetual student of history and people, and he wins. Can Billary or Bigmouth make even ONE of those claims?...
"This shirt changed my life. As I unboxed my package and saw my shirt, I decided to put it on. The second I put this shirt on I felt courageous for the first time in my life... There was a slight tingling sensation that shot through my body like an...
 If you’re truck gets 9 miles to the gallon, if you have a 6-pack in the fridge and a deer in the freezer, if you know how to make moonshine, if you ever tried to catch a catfish with your bare hands, or if you just like to shoot guns,...
All lives have equal value. Unless you're a stinkin' commie or terrorist. But you get the point. Merica.
All lives have equal value. Unless you're a stinkin' commie or terrorist. But you get the point. Merica.
You might not be the eminently qualified Marine and you might not get that 5.0/5.0 but by God you are Okay!  
If you don't know the significance of this scene you're in the wrong place.�� This shirt immortalizes "Hoot" from Black Hawk Down in one of many iconic scenes that made us all want to join the military.
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The H is as silent as US military drone creeping up on a wedding in Yemen. As silent as any glimmer of Hillary's personality. As silent as all the unborn fetuses those heathen Pro-Choice democrats have murdered.
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The shirt GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
When you’re fighting in the desert, you don’t want to be wearing the old red, white, and blue. Those are our home colors. When the game is played on their turf, it’s time to change into the multicam. Because we are proud, but we are not stupid.
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The shirt is GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
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The shirt GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
Get the shirt with the subtle hint sweeping the nation, "Netflix And Chill". Netflix may be on in the background, and some chilling may happen later on, but let me run some other ideas by you in the meantime.
We’re not saying some lives matter more than others, but if we’re going to say black lives matter, then we’re sure as hell going to show some love for our lance corporals. Get your LCPL Lives Matter shirt and make a statement that is American as F***. Image is on...
Except for all those hot foreign babes...let 'em in!!!!!  Warning: some people WILL hate you for wearing this.  But, you give 0 f*cks.
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Tanner, Banks, Winslow, and Taylor. You know them. You love them. They practically raised you! Pay homage to America's forefathers!
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FREE SHIPPING! "These shorts are the best thing to happen to me since the creation of democracy. Nothing screams freedom like your bits and pieces being gently cradled by these justice inducing booty shorts while your downstairs mix-up is thrust into the face of every angry protester and nut job...
"I got this superb garment in the mail today. I could tell right away that there was something different about it--perhaps the chorus of Angels singing as a lone ray of light from heaven shone brilliantly upon this shirt, while I was indoors. Yes, its powers are that potent.Not wanting...
For some it may be a day of rest. For others, it's the day we showoff our fantasy coaching skills. For people like us though, it will always be known as "Sunday Gunday". You know what I mean?  
You know, I really wanted to give this t-shirt a funny, witty description. But I'm just straight outta F's to give. I couldn't give less F's except if I didn't even bother typing this. If you're like me, this shirt's for you.
Merica is about freedom. This shirt screams Freedom like an eagle soaring over purple mountain majesties. Don't forget about the tank top version of this. The guys and gals who pulled the tank shirt from the bosom of Mt. Rushmore went a step up and decided that they'd make this...
Give the shirt that says, "Rifles aren't for everyone, but I hear you are really fast typist. "Worlds Okayest Soldier".
So you thought you rated, huh? Tell me more about how awesome you are. At least for now, you can wear a shirt that says you thought you made it. Image is on the back of the shirt. Perfect to wear with your cammies! Ships to FPO/APO/YourMom'sHouse
All kidding aside France. The US will always stand behind our allies, no matter what the situation. "Paris Peace" will be more than just a symbol, it will some day be a reality.
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Show the world how much of a man or woman you REALLY are by throwing on a pair of Silkies and wearing this shirt!
"This shirt is not for Prius owners, martini drinkers, or fancy city-dweller folk. This tank was made for the individuals who drive lifted trucks, crush a Budweiser cans upon their foreheads without flinching, and for those who bleed red, bruise blue, and piss diesel fuel. Be prepared for the shot...
Anyone who put on the uniform in service of this great Country can lay claim to this shirt. Men and women from every branch, in any capacity, for any length of time. We salute you. You're, "Veteran As F***"
Anyone who put on the uniform in service of this great Country can lay claim to this shirt. Men and women from every branch, in any capacity, for any length of time. We salute you. You're, "Veteran As F***"
Do your muscles scream assault weapons?  PROS:* Quality-made: it fits just like it should, and although I'm not certain, I'm pretty sure that I'm now bullet-proof. * The artwork is mesmerizing. When I walk into a room, everyone's gaze is drawn to my bosom and I'm not even a chick!*I've...
The writing on the skull means INFIDEL in Arabic.
"Here for the Boos!" The shirt with the a message that changes meaning the more tanked you get. It starts out a cute play on words. The ghost drinking booze...Get it? Then after you pound a few back, stumble into someone and spill your drink on the pool table, you'll...
"Straight out of the box this shirt transformed me so be weary:Be aware that you will instantly grow a beard that rivals Dan bilzerian and Dos Equis' most interesting man--my phone would not stop ringing from countless celebrities of the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Daenerys Targaryen from the game...
We shall overcomb! Vote for Donald Trump's hair in 2016!
"Before I ordered this shirt, I benched 225. Now, I can lift the souls of millions of oppressed peoples across the globe, bringing the almighty American might of the Bald Eagle to every foreign man, woman, and child. Makes me want to sling an M-60 across my back and liberate...
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The shirt GUARANTEED to melt terrorist faces!
"When I heard the UPS man at the door, I knew my Danger Zone shirt had arrived. Unfortunately, the delivery man was an ISIS insurgent sent to thwart the stalwart patriotism I hold for my country like that of Hacksaw Jim Duggan. A hellfire missile fired from a predator swiftly...
The shirt that parodies "Alahu akbar", the last words uttered by dirtbag terrorists, just before they blow themselves to pieces. It's also used as a greeting by Pastafarians who consider eating to be a form of praying to the almighty flying spaghetti monster.
Will Ferrell is America. America is Will Ferrell.
Read my shirt....Operators are standing by, waiting to set you up with a one way ticket off of The Greatest Nation on Earth. I'm so sorry that your kid had endure the hardship of listening to the Pledge of Allegiance for 20 seconds this morning. Please accept my deepest apologies.....YA...
Putting Hillary Clinton back in the White House and the storylines would run constant, the controversies be abundunt, and the drama never fail to entertain. That may seem tempting for some, but downright frightening to most. We simply cannot let it happen.
Netflix and chill? Please. Netflix is for soppy, saggy couch potatoes. More like field day and chill… because America is more than just movie streaming.
Due to sheer volume, I know the message on the t-shirt seems like an impossible task. "Idiots" by definition, are a very large demographic, with many sub types....morons, jackoffs, space cadets, and massive tools... just to name a few. Trust me though....effectively solving any problem, requires that you start at...
"Due to the pure testosterone this shirt gives off coupled with my beard I cannot wear this shirt in public or women will fight to the death for the chance to mate with me. So I just wear it around the house when im falling trees or bulldozing something as...
The Middle Finger coupled with the Red, White, and Blue.......Two symbols universally recognized around the globe. Put them together on this shirt, and they make a powerful statement. This particular one is all for you ISIS.
Introducing the latest t shirt from our "FU Isis" line of Fall and Winter wear. The freedom finger is fast becoming an iconic symbol. Subtle yet explosive, this shirt never fails to deliver its patriotic message.
Full. Metal. Jacket. You were born to pew!
"Now that I have this BAD-ASS T-shirt, no one ever messes with me. They used to bully me on the playground and call me a 'dirty hippie' or a 'democrat,' but now everyone knows that I'm totally rugged and bad-ass and 'MERICA. When I wear this shirt to the grocery...
Image is on the back of the shirt. Perfect to wear with your cammies! Ships to FPO/APO/YourMom'sHouse The ultimate EAS shirt. 
Imagine Mrs. Clinton in a nicely tailored striped pantsuit. Cuffs rolled up. Bandana wrapped tight around her head. "Of course I'll be here when you get out babe"..."I'll get by somehow"-- Bill
"I just clicked over here to buy this shirt again for a third friend. It's secondary only to the great freedom our great nation spreads throughout the world in being my favorite gift to give to friends far and wide, especially those with UK citizenship whom I've taken under my...
Ahhh...The good old days. Economy was great, future looked bright, and we just pointed our nukes at anyone who threatened us.
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FREE SHIPPING! The most versatile shorts in the world.
Like the snake says, "Don't Jihad On Me!". Try to, and it's not going to end up well for you. It's going to ugly, and that's that.
Give the t shirt that says, "No need to get in the cockpit. How about you grab these paddles and go stand out there on the deck."
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You heard correctly folks, Deez Nuts has proclaimed candidacy as reported all across the webs! Not only declared, but also already polling higher than many of the GOP frontrunners! That is already a success. A success only #YOU can provide. Vote Deez Nuts in 2016!
"The very first time I wore this shirt I felt like the soul of Honest Abe was becoming a part of me. Slaves have been free for a long time, but in the pet store I felt the overwhelming urge to free the various guinea pigs and rabbits and such...
"The Devil Doge" t-shirt is here. First in, and last out. The Devil Dogs have proven themselves since the American Revolution. The very mention of the word, Marine, invokes fear in those on the wrong side of the leatherneck's gun sight. OOHRAH!
"I was walking back from the store one day by myself, feeling a bit nervous as it had gotten late and I'm not in the safest of areas. I came across a group of young hoodlums whom asked me what I was doing. I told them, "just trying to get...
The message on this t shirt got me so fired up one 4th of July. How fired up? After tossing back a 12'er, my buddies say that I went running down Main Street wearing this shirt and no pants. Apparently, I was waving a large American flag with lit sparklers...
Enjoy America and all it has to offer. It's majestic mountains, beautiful ocean shores, and vast open plains. A diverse culture living as one, with freedoms and liberties like no other place on earth. Not to mention, it's strict copyright laws. A place where a business can create a logo...
Give the t shirt that says, "Don't know if I'd want you Captaining the boat, but I love you're Popeye impression."
Image is on the back of the shirt. Perfect to wear with your cammies!
"This shirt came out of the box and I was immediately 200% more 'Murica! After 14 years in the Army I thought I was pretty patriotic, but I immediately got a freedom erection (Freerection) which- no lie- became an Army Ranger and hunted down a terrorist cell all on its...
Work harder, millions on welfare depend on you!
1.20.17 Obama's Last Day - An End to an Error
There's a reason they call it a man-ual transmission. Real men know how to handle their stick without popping the clutch with the man-pedal.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to take offense to a flag honoring our missing and captured. 
The only colors you need to identify with are red, white, and blue. Stop whining about racial injustice. America is awesome. You're an American, now act like it!
This one's for every type of runner. If you are an awesome runner, you'll look humble. If you are an OK runner, you'll look honest. (Managed expectations - achieved!) If you are a terrible runner, you won't look completely inadequate. Until they see you run. Which you rarely do.
A favorite for military hardfucks everywhere...
With a beard and country as glorious as ours, it's easy to understand why others might hate us. Side-by-side our beard and Old Glory dance int he wind, making America and it's beard-having citizens the envy of other countries world-wide. They hate us, 'cause they ain't us -- and that's...
I wasn't quite sure what this "It's Merican Not Merican't" shirt was trying to say, until I put it on. I've been wearing it for eleven straight days now. I visited The Washington Monument, The Liberty Bell, Mount Rushmore, The Lincoln Memorial, The White House, The Baseball Hall of Fame,...
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"We Have Not Forgotten, And We Never Will" The key word in this message is "Never". Little did the spineless 9/11 terrorists know, that in the end, their actions would bring together and build up, far more than they brought down.
Anything and chill, means one thing. Just read the t-shirt. In this case, it's "Working Party and Chill", so follow me.
When you hear "For English, Press 1; Para Espanol, Oprima Numero Dos".
  The ultimate Marine Corps birthday ball shirt. No other explanation is really necessary.
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Grab the shirt that says, your service in the Coast Guard, technically make you a Veteran. The fact that you were a cook stationed in Alaska, in the mid-1980s, should only be revealed on a "need to know" basis. Trust me. *** Save an extra $5 Today only! *** World's...
It sounded good for a short time anyways. It's a shame Donald Trump can't "Make His Teeth Bite His Tongue Again."
Abraham Lincoln was the O.G. of O.G.'s. Before "Black Lives Matter", he dropped, "The Emancipation Proclamation". Get yourself the shirt featuring Abe....A man way ahead of his time.
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Our nation’s forefathers of 90’s sitcoms are getting their own monument! It might not be Mount Rushmore, but if you beef up it might just look like it. You better start making gains now, because thou shalt not forsake the Bundy.
I am a US Veteran. My oath of enlistment has no expiration date.
Let "United We Stand" be a warning to terrorists around the globe, that no matter where they decide to cause havoc, the US will be there to lend support, help rebuild, and do whatever is necessary to rid the earth of the scum who look to disrupt a peaceful way...
There are no Ex-Servicemen. Our title is earned, never given and what's earned is yours forever. US Veteran.
  We’ve seen some good coasties in our day. We’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, in fact. And from what we can tell, you are - without a shadow of doubt - the World’s Okayest Coastie. Congratulations! Have a cookie and a t-shirt!
Still wearing your D.A.R.E. shirt because you don’t do drugs? Come on man, that’s just suspicious. Better upgrade to R.A.G.E., because you know, that’s what all the cool kids are doing.
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Yeah it's a Big Bang Theory reference!
There's nothing more American than the smell and sound of huge engines revving down an open highway. With millions of miles of interstate, the land of the free runs on diesel. It's a beautiful time to be alive.
You know Bill Clinton is itching to get back in the White House. I can hear it now…..”What's that Hil?".... "Negotiations have stalled, and you're gonna be in China for at least another two days?".... "Well, you're hands are tied babe"......"We're talking about world peace here"......"Don't worry about me".... "Maybe...
  The English language is beautiful, isn’t it? Filled with innumerable descriptors, if there’s a feeling you wish to express, you can quickly make it happen. That said, certain words are often seen as being too vulgar for everyday conversation—amongst them, the “c-word” is by far the most powerful. So,...
Whether you are a Huey Lewis-loving yuppie Reaganite like Patrick Bateman or just plain NUTS about America, this is the shirt for you. Not for the faint of heart, this all-over-print design is sure to overwhelm everyone around you.
  Like it says on your t-shirt.... "Texan AF".....and you wouldn't have it any other way
Are you hot, happy and Texan as f*ck? Whether it be the cowboy boots, Longhorns football or The Alamo, you’ve got all the reason in the world to consider yourself cut from the finest American cloth—buy this shirt, and let the other 49 states know where you stand!
Wear this if you are not a hipster. But only if it's true. Don't be that obvious hipster who is always claiming not to be a hipster.
She's right. Eating bread every day is appealing. Nobody can argue that (so don't even think about trying). Some of those books she recommended were pretty damn good too. But when the most powerful woman in the world endorsed Obama in 2008 and won the election for him... TOO FAR....
Regardless of the question, it is the answer that refuses to be disputed. Why, you ask? Cuz 'Murica. That's why. Examples of some these questions include:Why is there bacon-eating contest at this funeral?Why do they sell fireworks at this liquor store?Why is (fill in the blank) famous?Why are they using...
Just... Stop, Hillary. That's all. This page isn't long enough to list the reasons why, so we won't even try.
You made a bet that you could still do a handstand? Read my shirt. You told a girl at the bar that you were, "looking for a treasure" and, "Can I look around your chest?" Read my shirt. You got a frog tattoo right above your navel, with his tongue...
There are only two kinds of people in the world: General Mattis and People Other Than General Mattis (POG). Which one are you?
  Ruth Bader Ginsburg don't play !
Hey, baby.  When a simple 'How you doing?' isn't enough, you must beg the question...On a scale of one to America, how free or you tonight? Of course you're America. That's free AF - just how I like 'em.   
We've already got two world-war championships -- don't make us pull a Pat Riley and three-peat. Merica.
Sure. It's all fun and games with the toes in the sand and the surfing and the whatnot, but don't get it twisted, we're busting out the metal detectors 'cuz that beach better have my money!  
Those were the days... or maybe you just got NJP'ed...
Those were the days... or maybe you just got NJP'ed...
If Professor Ned Brainard knocked a vial of Lion-O's ThunderCat DNA into the Super-Soldier serum, we're pretty sure this is what would have become of Steve Rogers. No longer destined to become Captain America, he'd have morphed into a sort of super-feline, somewhere along the lines of Cat In America. This is...
Exercise. Eggs Are Sides. For Bacon. BACON. This is the vicious cycle that is my life. Every morning I wake up with exercise on my mind, but it always ends with me burning my mouth on straight-out-the-oil bacon over the sink. Tomorrow will be different.* *No it won't
If you don't know what a DD-214 is, don't ask.
Say IDGAF about PC when patriotism matters more than political correctness.
The perfect shirt for any occasion. Whether you're going to a bake sale, an IRS audit, or your sons Little League game. It's the only message bold enough to say it like it is... and you're the only person bold enough to wear it...."F YOU".
The history books may not give George Washington props for it, but the first prez was swole AF. Factor in that whole cherry tree incident, and this founding father was the OG of the Woodsman Workout too.
See what we did there? Eh? Ehhhhhh? But seriously. Huck Fillary.  
I flexed and the sleeves fell off. This isn't a tank top - it's a former tee shirt. The struggle is real for the bicep-blessed.
Not saying that President Obama is the ass in Laughing My Ass Off... Oh. Wait. That's EXACTLY what this tee is saying.  
Your Midwestern upbringing forces you to say "thank you," even when that barista is being a total d-bag. You probably were taught to say "bless your heart" instead of STFU. You are polite AF, because you are a MF lady.
PATRIOTS: Protecting cowards, complainers, and cry babies for over 240 years.
Be FLEXable. When you're too close for missiles, you've gotta switch to guns.
Teddy Roosevelt? More like, Teddy Swolesevelt! Before Tom Selleck came on the scene, this buff teddy bear was rocking the most celebrated 'stache in the land and flexing on business trusts. Getting nasty on a regimen of gymnastics and weight-lifting, this Rough Rider's physique was rugged AF. Here's to the...
Which way is the gun show? The Terminator will take you there, if you want to lift. Do you even lift, bro? If not, I'll be back.
Sly. Cunning. Wiley. Crazy. This fox has been called a lot of things - good and bad. And you know what he thinks about it? HE DOESN'T. Call him whatever you want because he's the one calling the shots, living life by his own rules, spreading joy and offending people...
It's tank top o'clock, muther fuqers.  
Here's to all those times you've had to bend over and enjoy the green weenie. Cheers.
If you’re a hot-blooded, beer-swilling, gun-shooting, ‘Merica-lovin’ marine, then you might be a Libo Risk. Wear your title with pride. OOHRAH!
 Our men and women and the blue uniform have had to deal with a lot of hate this year. Show your support and your good-natured humor with this “Don’t Be a Cop Block” shirt from AAF.
I'd like to send this shout out (shirt out?) to my main man Kanye West. Please. No joke. I speak for millions of Americans. You can take your in-laws with you too....and all of their kids.....and ex's......and former gold medalists who've committed vehicular manslaughter, then decided to cut their junk...
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for all our netflix binge watchers out there who after 4 episodes of Dexter become a killing expert...    
Get this shirt and start dropping quotes like "Mad Dog Mattis" himself. Gems like, "I don’t lose any sleep at night over the potential for failure. I cannot even spell the word." and "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my...
If the jolly roger and the American flag had a baby, it would be this darkly patriotic shirt. If you are an American, and you will salute the flag until the day you die, and you represent all that is American-as-f***, then this is your shirt.
This is Sparta! No, this is ‘Merica! No, this is America with the spirit of the Spartans. Now put on your battle shirts, because tonight we dine in hell!
The shirt that says your hearts still beating and your Country is still standing tall. It will take an awful lot to take either of us down. Together we stand, divided we fall.
Teddy Roosevelt was a man’s man. Not only did he rock one of the smoothest, most confident mustaches known to mankind, but he was a well-known outdoorsman, frequently skinny-dipped in the Potomac River while in office and was nearly blind in one eye, due to an injury obtained in a...
"When I opened the package, I was literally in tears. This great country of ours is represented perfectly in this Tank Top. My love for American and now this Tank Top is strong as the Mississippi current. Abraham Lincoln, the most beautiful man to have lived, sportin' Sun Glasses because...
Because you're from a country of champions, and everyone should know it. Don't make us 3-peat!
Donald Trump is large. It's hard to see the physique when he's standing behind a podium. The Donald has muscles that the average human does not. It's all in his book "The Art Of The Deal". His hair can bench press 265 lbs......dead lifts 425 lbs. Not too shabby. Get...
"This shirt changed my life. As I unboxed my package and saw my shirt, I decided to put it on. The second I put this shirt on I felt courageous for the first time in my life... There was a slight tingling sensation that shot through my body like an m1...
With free-flying bald eagles everywhere, enough military personnel to blow any world power to smithereens and more freedom than you can shake a stick at, what’s America got to apologize for? Nothing. That’s right—absolutely nothing. You’re American, and you’re better than everyone else. As such, never say sorry for being...
Get the shirt that will leave you feeling like David Blaine. Patriotic people will surround you at every turn....It's like magic. Your freinds will soon be following your message too. Unless of course you hang out with a lot of fish or snakes.
  Everybody’s got that one buddy who’s crazier than a snake’s armpit. Even more maddening, with beer in his belly, destruction of property, public embarrassment and long-lasting memories are bound to take place—there’s nothing better. However, no matter how wild and crazy he might get, there’s one patriot who can...
Get the latest and greatest t-shirt in our huge line of F U shirts and tank tops. This F.U. is stated better, bigger, and bolder than any other we offer. Order one up, and you be the judge. Pairs nicely with the original American AF F You.
I can't wait for "American As F*** Independence Day" to become a National Holiday. Do you know how many f'n days we'd have off? Get the shirt and spread the word. If we act quick, there's a good chance we could get a House vote before the Holiday break.
Do you routinely list “protein” as a job qualification on your résumé? Does the thought of tomorrow’s “leg day” keep you awake at night? And lastly, do yoga pants make you wildly randy? If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, odds are high that you not only...
You’ve heard the old adage, right? “Finders keepers, losers weepers.” Though usually rearing its ugly head amongst groups of painfully spoiled children, the phrase now means more to NASA and the American people than ever before—that’s right, using the MARS Rover, we staked our claim on Mars. Must really suck...
Attention, any Country who successfully lands people on the Moon. First off, we'd like to welcome you. You're about 50 years too late, but that's beside the point. Take a look around, snap some photos, then get back into your craft and move along. I hear the weather in Mars...
You and your significant other need to put on this t-shirt (that's right, order a pair of these badboys). Grab a couple of 12 packs, some fireworks, and Old Glory. Hit your favorite party spot and see what happens. That's called getting "Star Spangled Hammered". It doesn't have to be...
The major key here is freedom, folks. Wear this AAF shirt to remind all the small-brained, frightened little sheep what is really important.
Whether it be the high-and-mighty demeanor, sneeze-inducing dander or unpleasant smell, America’s nationwide cat craze is both inexplicable and undeniable. Blame it on the Internet, ancient Egyptians or painfully single women, there’s just something about cats The Stars and Stripes can’t shake. No worries—rather than fight it, embrace it. Here...
"As a hardcore t-shirt connoisseur, the quality of this product is epic, as is the graphic that is masterfully silk screened to this fine t-shirt. Lick n' Stick graphic this is not. I couldn't of torn my button-up work shirt off any faster if I was on a prom date....
  A classic gray t-shirt for the patriotic man. This "Proud 17" tee worn together with your woman's "American 76" will show you're a patriotic couple. Just make sure that you walk on the right side of one another.
Get the shirt that says you're an American through and through. A patriotic American who occasionally likes to drink an alcoholic beverage or two. It's called, getting "Red, White, and Boozed"
"This shirt is the best thing to happen to me since the creation of democracy. Nothing screams freedom like your chest being gently cradled by this justice inducing shirt while every angry anti-US protester and nut job you see grimaces with jealousy."
You long to see, touch and caress them. You want to hear them purr. Tell her in this "Show me Your Kitties" t-shirt. Then tell her you'd like to see her cat too. The last four sentences were meant for entertainment purposes only. We are not responsible for injuries (emotional...
This shirt is for the silent majority--those patriotic Americans that don't constantly brag about climbing mountains nor running marathons. Because waving the flag is the only cardio you need!
"Since buying this shirt: I have been invited to sing national anthems at baseball games. People have stopped treading on me. Women address me as Mr. Theodore Abraham Washington, the LXIX before throwing themselves at my feet (which generally hover above the ground). I can drink 16 oz of Budweiser...
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Strong she is, Lady Liberty. Combine your love for the two best things in the Universe -- Star Wars and America -- with this patriotic space tank top. You'll be able to easily maneuver your light saber as a "Defender of Peace" in this sleeveless number.
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Cursed for causing small children to choke and adults to feel intense pain when stepped on, American legos have done away with their earthly existence, making lego independence day more of an intergalactic affair. Fortunately, they decided to take the American flag with them on their journey: “That’s one small...
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How do you take your Ronald Reagan? At The White House? Perhaps inside Air Force One? Both are appealing, but we’ll do you one better—how about Reagan on the moon? No spacecraft, no spacesuit, no oxygen—no problem. The dude was a Hollywood actor before hitting The Oval Office—as such, he...
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Slip on this Statue of Liberty tank top and you'll be attracting all the tired, poor, and huddled masses you can handle -- all summer long! No need to fight the tourist crowds when you can hang with Lady Liberty on your very own chest.
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America's freedom spans far beyond the borders of the U.S.A. This shirt will expand your patriotism into the far-reaching conscious of the Universe -- into galaxies far, far away. And you won't be held back by any close-minded, restricting sleeves.
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Puns—without them, how else would English majors have any sense of self-worth? No matter what you studied in school, the complexity of your vocabulary or your ability to keep up with fast-firing wordplay, there’s one patriotic pun that takes the cake: “May the 4th be with you.” Think about it—few...
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Celebrate founding father George Washington in the role he was always meant to play, cyborg eagle trainer. This tank top depicts the sci-fi movie we all wish would be coming soon to a theater near you, an action-packed patriotic thriller that tells the real story of how George Washington tackled...
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In a space mission gone awry, our hero, Thomas Jefferson, finds himself confined by speaking gorillas. He escapes his cell only to be chased down by two of the prison guards, both angry to not have been born as Americans. Cornered by the beasts, Jefferson pulls out his secret weapon,...
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The only thing more glorious than Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump's hair is this tank top. Your personal guns will send the "You're Fired" message loud and clear in this sleeveless number. One look at all the proud Americans in our fan photos will prove this is the most Patriotic...
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The world looks a bit different after Sharknado. Aviation emergency procedures reflect the new hazards in the sky, inspired by George W's narrow escape after Air Force One sucked up a shark in one of the engines. If your life vest doesn't automatically inflate, press the "Don't you know I'm...
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Regan doubled as an undercover president to get the message across, "Don't mess with America!" Driving around in his classic American-made Mustang, the president planted bombs to get masses of bad guys. He shot through the front windshield, because it takes too long to stick your gun out the window,...
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What's the most American way to chase down bad guys trying to take our freedom? In an American-colored classic mustang. This ultimately American shirt displays one of our greats, Reagan, getting business done in the most American way possible. While driving down the competition, he shoots through the windowshield, undoubtedly...
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Let's get nostalgic for a moment and remember a time in history when the world was great. America's economy was strong and the US Commander in Chief was man's man Bill Clinton. Get Big Willy style in this printed tank top depicting all the things we loved about 1990s. Owners...
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The biggest conspiracy from the 1960s isn't if we put a man on the moon, it's JFK's set-up assassination. He knew NASA was on its way to the moon, and he wanted to be there. Although JFK was a great president in his short tenure, he had a higher calling:...
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When Lincoln had had enough of the South's silliness, he rode on top of his blood-thirsty brown bear with an assault rifle in hand to deliver the Gettysburg Address. The outcome? They put up a good fight, but succumbed in the end. When you've had enough of the BS raining...
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There are great American presidents, and then there are great American presidents who lassoed themselves velociraptors. In between ending the Cold War and saving tax payers money when the air traffic controllers went on strike, Reagan trained his pet velociraptor, who he named Red, to hold the American flag while...
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You’re stuck in a frozen apocalyptic wasteland, surrounded by 20-ft gorillas, and an American flag at your back. What do you do? The answer is simple: What Would Chesty Do? WWCD, because ‘Merica!
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Need a new work-out shirt? We've got just the inspiration for you. It's sleeveless, because let's be honest, your guns can't be contained while getting swole. You've got a classic man versus beast image, perfectly encapsulating your man versus metal mentality while lifting poundage. Nixon battling a saber-tooth tiger in...
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You don't get any more American than this shirt. American flag? Check. National landmark featuring four of our greatest leaders? Check. A bald eagle carrying a rifle and shooting lasers out of his eyes? A patriotic check! If only the lasers on Mount Rushmore existed in real life, then we'd...
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Check out the image on this tank top. Is it the 4th of July showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Is it the Rolling Stones US Tour Logo? Is it Monica Lewinsky just after leaving the Oral (oops, I mean) Oval Office?
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This shirt has the most believable fictitious image you will ever see. "Teddy Roosevelt VS Bigfoot"...I can see it. C'mon, the man would take on former pro boxers while he was in the White House. One encounter left him nearly blind in one eye! He scaled The Matterhorn, a 15,000...
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Check out this tank top featuring a gung ho, bitch ass, bastard, bad boy, bat outta hell Teddy Roosevelt. From what I hear, this is not an artist’s interpretation, but an actual painting, created from three eyewitness accounts who were there. This is a close-up shot of a much bigger...
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Ain’t no party like a constitutional party, cause a constitutional party don’t stop. That’s right, you know our forefathers could throw down like a hoe-down on the 4th of July. Because back then, the only water around was that stuff that fish shit in, and you know, because ‘Merica!
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When you’re in the middle of a frozen wasteland, staring death in the face, give it a little smirk. Just like Chesty. Because there’s no evil in the world that can’t be exterminated with a little American grit and a lot of firepower.
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‘Merica! F*** yeah! Chesty Puller is here to save the day. He’s loaded up and ready to kill with the spirit of the Stars and Stripes behind him. Because it doesn’t matter if you’re in enemy territory and surrounded 29-to-1… that only simplifies the problem.
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The tank top that features the Patriot of all Patriots. Wrestler "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan is more Patriot than Tom Brady could ever dream of being. Holding the American Flag, flashing the thumbs up, and smiling (I guess) for his throngs of fans.
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Cheap labor, knock-off handbags and political corruption—it’s the world’s trash, and it’s exactly the the kind of thing Capitol Eagle keeps from crossing into American territory! And don’t try any funny business—perched atop Capitol Hill, Capitol Eagle sees your every move …
Because you're from a country of champions, and everyone should know it. Don't make us 3-peat!
Were you aware that Corona Extra is the top-selling imported beer in the United States? First, why is the greatest country on earth importing beer? And second, who needs an “Hecho en México” ale when the world’s finest goods are manufactured right here in America? If you’re outraged, grab a...
I bought Shake. My brother bought Bake. As soon as we received our shirts, we opened the box and a bald eagle with a mullet flew out at top speed. We took this as a good omen. As we tried on our new Shake & Bake shirts, we felt the...
I bought Shake for myself, and Bake for my grandson. That little pecker never looked happier in his whole life. When he saw me wearing Shake, and went to change into & Bake, he had been wearing some stupid shirt with a lesbian named Justin Bieber on it. That move...
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What can be said about the image on this shirt? It's nice knowing that the Son of God is on our side. I just hope someone informs Jesus that getting caught handling an animal on the endangered species list carries with it a huge fine and possible jail time, depending...
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Move over, Aristocats—there’s a new pussycat posse in town. Sure, they love playing with balls of yarn, climbing kitchen curtains and ignoring humans, but more than anything, they’re about the very thing that makes America great—freedom. Without the power to make it happen, how else would they make a name...
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For most middle-aged men with hairlines retreating faster than the French army, feelings of shame, despair and anguish begin to set in. Fortunately, as America’s official emblem, the bald eagle summons emotions of a more confident, stalwart nature. Yes, the head of a bald eagle looks like a cue ball,...
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Shockingly, most of the world’s inhabitants believe pizza originates from parts of Central and Southern Italy. To put this in perspective, however, those same people are also afraid of North Korea and Kim Jong-un’s haircut—see what we’re getting at, here? Breathe easy, faithful patriots—pizza is as American as baseball, apple...
"American As F Beer" Get the shirt that features the only beer brewed, bottled, trucked, sold, bought, and consumed fully in America. Now wonder they call it, "The King of American F'n Beers". Drink up you patriotic SOBs.
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Brain freezes, sticky fingers and sugar rushes aside, growing up, nothing was more American than chowing down on a few Rocket Pops. Years later, no matter if your biceps look Hulk Hogan’s or a pair of popsicle sticks, this tank top is for you.
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Check out Rambo on this sweet shirt. In the midst of a battle, bloodied and beaten, Rambo can take time to acknowledge Merica. Either that or he's firing an imaginary M2 Browning Machine Gun.
It's never to early to teach a child exactly what it means to be an American. On bump's first 4th of July, introduce the baby to hot dogs and fireworks. Go easy on the beer though, mama. Slugger will have plenty of time to develop a healthy American drinking habit...
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Get the shirt featuring Top Gun Donald Trump. He flies without a helmet or oxygen mask. Why no helmet? The hair of course. Why no mask? He wouldn't be able to talk to his hordes of fans!
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Serving as America’s national bird, the bald eagle has already done more than enough to earn the respect of patriots everywhere. Following in Neil Armstrong’s steps, however, the bird will soar to new heights, checking intergalactic travel off of its to-do list. So, if muscular enough to show off your...
Drugs never stood a chance after Ronald Reagan declared a war on them in 1982. Ragin' Reagan set his target on America's biggest enemy and flexed his presidential power to make certain every young American declared, "Just say no!" But you can just say yes, to wearing this shirt. To...
Today's adults would nowhere without the solid guidance from the forefathers of American television. At the end of each week in a magical time call the 1990s, today's doctors, lawyers, and teachers would yell "TGIF!!" and gather round the tube to gain wisdom on how to solve the world's problems...
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This is the must have gift for this Holiday Season. The image of Honest Abe giving the thumbs up is classic. It doesn't matter if you're familiar with the movie "Top Gun" or not. This is the funniest, most unique image, ever printed on a t-shirt.
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This guy shows up everywhere. He's superhuman. Actually, he's General James Mattis, pictured here boarding his craft at Top Gun This is only one of the many General Mattis shirts we offer. Get them all! Collect and trade them with your friends!
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Just as any American boy must kiss a woman to truly become a man, so too must a kitten suit up for space exploration to become a full-grown cat. Pay your respects to our furry feline friends with this one-of-a-kind tank top—cat dander not included …
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Who knew exploring new worlds could be so adorable? Puppy astronaut is the American hero we've all been hoping for. He deserves a treat and a belly rub after all that probing. Such a good boy!
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Well this American as F*** tank was a hell of a conversation-starter. We philosophized all kinds of wondrous freedom-injected solutions to the world’s problems. And in the end, an Abraham Lincoln majestically riding his trusty grizzly bear atop an American flag with a machine gun was the ultimate solution. Because...
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By the power of Ronald Reagan, I deem this shirt American as F***. I haven’t taken this badass ‘Merica tank off since the day I got it. Right out of the package, I felt a surge of Velociraptor fierceness, grabbed my machine gun, and took Raegan out for some shoots...
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I knew I felt something special when I ordered this shirt. When I put it on, my wife suddenly recovered from her nightly “headache”. I finally fixed my rusty old jeep, and then found a $100 bill in the glovebox. When I went to work, the copier worked perfectly, there...
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When you’re a sci-fi freak, a revolutionary, and a loyal follower of the great Andrew Jackson, it’s hard to find clothes that fit your personality. Well AAF, you have done it! With this great American-as-f*** tank I’ll finally be able to express my personal beliefs right across my bulging chest....
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Time to let those shysty little alien f***ers know what’s up! I’ve had it up to here with those little bastards! They shine their beaming lights into my window every night, like some kind of damn intergalactic peeping toms. Well, I’ve got a show planned for them tonight! I just...
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In our future post-apocalyptic world, you’ve got to have a good supply of shirts to help you blend in. This FDR tank will be perfect. It will melt into the surrounding devastation, AND it will help show off my f***ing awesome biceps, which will no doubt triple in size. It...