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'Merican History

The only thing more glorious than President Donald Trump's hair is this tank top. Your personal guns will send the "You're Fired" message loud and clear in this number,
Celebrate founding father George Washington in the role he was always meant to play, cyborg eagle trainer. This tank top depicts the sci-fi movie we all wish would be coming soon to a theater near you, an action-packed patriotic thriller that tells the real story of how George Washington tackled...
Let's get nostalgic for a moment and remember a time in history when the world was great. America's economy was strong and the US Commander in Chief was man's man Bill Clinton. Get Big Willy style in this printed tank top depicting all the things we loved about 1990s. Owners...
Sean Spicer, staunch supporter of the HIS first amendment right to freedom of speech. As for the rest of us, read the message on this tank top.
Sean Spicer, staunch supporter of the HIS first amendment right to freedom of speech. As for the rest of us, read the message on this tank top!
Uncle Spicer has a message for all the fake news and delicate snowflakes, "I want you to shut up." It's simple and to the point.
Make Trump Great Again with a little skin art. The inked version of Trump is just as BA as the original -- but with a sweet pussy cat.
Some get their inmate number inked on their chest. Others get their president number. Inked Trump is in the latter group. #45 has some serious ink.
The world looks a bit different after Sharknado. Aviation emergency procedures reflect the new hazards in the sky, inspired by George W's narrow escape after Air Force One sucked up a shark in one of the engines. If your life vest doesn't automatically inflate, press the "Don't you know I'm...
There are great American presidents, and then there are great American presidents who lassoed themselves velociraptors. In between ending the Cold War and saving tax payers money when the air traffic controllers went on strike, Reagan trained his pet velociraptor, who he named Red, to hold the American flag while...
Ain’t no party like a constitutional party, cause a constitutional party don’t stop. That’s right, you know our forefathers could throw down like a hoe-down on the 4th of July. Because back then, the only water around was that stuff that fish shit in, and you know, because ‘Merica!
For some reason the image on this tank top works. President Obama atop a lion, crossbow and lightsaber in hand. I can't picture President Trump striking the same pose. I'm sure he'd do it, but it wouldn't have quite the same effect.
The Harrisons like you've never seen them before. Benjamin and William Henry, the only grandfather-grandson to serve as President of the United States. This tank top portrays the duo testing some some new military weaponry. If that firepower had been available in their times, our history books may read a...
When Lincoln had had enough of the South's silliness, he rode on top of his blood-thirsty brown bear with an assault rifle in hand to deliver the Gettysburg Address. The outcome? They put up a good fight, but succumbed in the end. When you've had enough of the BS raining...
By the power of Ronald Reagan, I deem this shirt American as F***. I haven’t taken this badass ‘Merica tank off since the day I got it. Right out of the package, I felt a surge of Velociraptor fierceness, grabbed my machine gun, and took Raegan out for some shoots...
What's the most American way to chase down bad guys trying to take our freedom? In an American-colored classic mustang. This ultimately American shirt displays one of our greats, Reagan, getting business done in the most American way possible. While driving down the competition, he shoots through the windowshield, undoubtedly...
Regan doubled as an undercover president to get the message across, "Don't mess with America!" Driving around in his classic American-made Mustang, the president planted bombs to get masses of bad guys. He shot through the front windshield, because it takes too long to stick your gun out the window,...
Check out this tank top featuring a gung ho, bitch ass, bastard, bad boy, bat outta hell Teddy Roosevelt. From what I hear, this is not an artist’s interpretation, but an actual painting, created from three eyewitness accounts who were there. This is a close-up shot of a much bigger...
Well this American as F*** tank was a hell of a conversation-starter. We philosophized all kinds of wondrous freedom-injected solutions to the world’s problems. And in the end, an Abraham Lincoln majestically riding his trusty grizzly bear atop an American flag with a machine gun was the ultimate solution. Because...
This shirt has the most believable fictitious image you will ever see. "Teddy Roosevelt VS Bigfoot"...I can see it. C'mon, the man would take on former pro boxers while he was in the White House. One encounter left him nearly blind in one eye! He scaled The Matterhorn, a 15,000...
In a space mission gone awry, our hero, Thomas Jefferson, finds himself confined by speaking gorillas. He escapes his cell only to be chased down by two of the prison guards, both angry to not have been born as Americans. Cornered by the beasts, Jefferson pulls out his secret weapon,...
You’re stuck in a frozen apocalyptic wasteland, surrounded by 20-ft gorillas, and an American flag at your back. What do you do? The answer is simple: What Would Chesty Do? WWCD, because ‘Merica!
When you’re in the middle of a frozen wasteland, staring death in the face, give it a little smirk. Just like Chesty. Because there’s no evil in the world that can’t be exterminated with a little American grit and a lot of firepower.
The biggest conspiracy from the 1960s isn't if we put a man on the moon, it's JFK's set-up assassination. He knew NASA was on its way to the moon, and he wanted to be there. Although JFK was a great president in his short tenure, he had a higher calling:...
They say Ben Franklin didn't rest while he tried to prove lightning and electricity were related. What he was actually doing was battling Zeus in the name of America. Zeus was upset at our newfound freedom; if people couldn't control other people then it was only a matter of time...
Need a new work-out shirt? We've got just the inspiration for you. It's sleeveless, because let's be honest, your guns can't be contained while getting swole. You've got a classic man versus beast image, perfectly encapsulating your man versus metal mentality while lifting poundage. Nixon battling a saber-tooth tiger in...
I don't know why you're surprised to see George Washington as the Master Chief. He's the original in everything and has always done it better. He'd be the guy doing sneak attacks on the enemy, just like back in the day on the Delaware River on Christmas. He wrote the...
In our future post-apocalyptic world, you’ve got to have a good supply of shirts to help you blend in. This FDR tank will be perfect. It will melt into the surrounding devastation, AND it will help show off my f***ing awesome biceps, which will no doubt triple in size. It...
This is the must have gift for this Holiday Season. The image of Honest Abe giving the thumbs up is classic. It doesn't matter if you're familiar with the movie "Top Gun" or not. This is the funniest, most unique image, ever printed on a t-shirt.
How do you take your Ronald Reagan? At The White House? Perhaps inside Air Force One? Both are appealing, but we’ll do you one better—how about Reagan on the moon? No spacecraft, no spacesuit, no oxygen—no problem. The dude was a Hollywood actor before hitting The Oval Office—as such, he...
A lightcycle, the preferred mode of transportation for the Patriot on a mission. The British would have turned back at the mere sight of Paul Revere screaming up and down the New England Coast. Although, he's fully decked out in the skin tight riding leathers, with matching boots and gloves,...
Before America could be 100% free, George Washington had to separate the states from Great Britain and rid the countryside of zombies. It's a tale that so few have heard, but I can now proudly launch into the story every time someone asks me about this shirt. I love to...
‘Merica! F*** yeah! Chesty Puller is here to save the day. He’s loaded up and ready to kill with the spirit of the Stars and Stripes behind him. Because it doesn’t matter if you’re in enemy territory and surrounded 29-to-1… that only simplifies the problem.
It's a myth that Ben Franklin flew a kite during a lighting storm, that's the pansy version of what really happened. Franklin used the kite as a jet pack while protecting America from all the haters. He built himself wolverine-style spikes in his hands (he was inventor after all) that...
I swear this shirt makes my bulge look bigger. Like its great powers of badassery increased my dick size by 6 inches. But that’s not all - not by a long shot. I can now shoot a squirrel from a half-mile away, and a butterfly from a quarter-mile. Those motherf***in...
A true-to-life depiction of the day George Washington crossed the Delaware. This shirt includes the stuff history books forgot -- bald eagles with freakin' laser beams for eyes.
I knew I felt something special when I ordered this shirt. When I put it on, my wife suddenly recovered from her nightly “headache”. I finally fixed my rusty old jeep, and then found a $100 bill in the glovebox. When I went to work, the copier worked perfectly, there...
What a sweet looking tank top. A lightcycle, the preferred mode of transportation for the Patriot on a mission. The British would have turned back at the mere sight of Paul Revere screaming up and down the New England Coast. He may want to consider trading in that lantern for...
When the whole "Honest Abe" thing isn't working, President Lincoln has something else up his sleeve. Check it out on this tank top.
What did President Reagan do after leaving politics? He picked up a few hobbies like the one featured on this tank top. It's amazing the fun you can have when imaging the overgrowth of weeds in your yard is a an invading Communist Army.
You may lift, bro. But you'll never be Ronald Reagan in a tank top holding a bald eagle wearing a fedora buff.
 Quick quiz...The image on this tank top is..... A) A grizzled member of the Hells Angels..... B) A Death Row inmate.... C) The 16th President of the United States of America all inked out.   Inked Icons by Wayne Maguire
The history books may not give George Washington props for it, but the first prez was swole AF. Factor in that whole cherry tree incident, and this founding father was the OG of the Woodsman Workout too.
Drugs never stood a chance after Ronald Reagan declared a war on them in 1982. Ragin' Reagan set his target on America's biggest enemy and flexed his presidential power to make certain every young American declared, "Just say no!" But you can just say yes, to wearing this shirt. To...
Abraham Lincoln was the O.G. of O.G.'s. Before "Black Lives Matter", he dropped, "The Emancipation Proclamation". Get yourself the shirt featuring Abe....A man way ahead of his time.
Old George was the OG that BREXIT’D before it was cool. All you other haters are just imitators. Movers and players without any booty shakers. Let’s hear it for America!
Teddy Roosevelt was a man’s man. Not only did he rock one of the smoothest, most confident mustaches known to mankind, but he was a well-known outdoorsman, frequently skinny-dipped in the Potomac River while in office and was nearly blind in one eye, due to an injury obtained in a...
Do you routinely list “protein” as a job qualification on your résumé? Does the thought of tomorrow’s “leg day” keep you awake at night? And lastly, do yoga pants make you wildly randy? If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, odds are high that you not only...
American greatness is made up of brave men like George Washington, ingenious weapons engineering, and impossible dreams that become inevitable realities. You’ll see. Those eagles with laser-beams shooting out of their eyes will be so much more than a silly metaphor in the not-so-distant future.
Own a true masterpiece of American History. Behold:   Chesty Puller kicking the absolute shit out of Yeti monsters on Chosin Reservoir during the Korean War! 18x24" 100lb, HIGH QUALITY PRINT
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Do you routinely list “protein” as a job qualification on your résumé? Does the thought of tomorrow’s “leg day” keep you awake at night? And lastly, do yoga pants make you wildly randy? If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, odds are high that you not only...
SMALL   40" x 30" Fleece Blanket  MEDIUM  60” x 50” Fleece Blanket  LARGE  80” x 60” Fleece Blanket   
SMALL   40" x 30" Fleece Blanket  MEDIUM  60” x 50” Fleece Blanket  LARGE  80” x 60” Fleece Blanket   
SMALL   40" x 30" Fleece Blanket  MEDIUM  60” x 50” Fleece Blanket  LARGE  80” x 60” Fleece Blanket   
SMALL   40" x 30" Fleece Blanket  MEDIUM  60” x 50” Fleece Blanket  LARGE  80” x 60” Fleece Blanket   
Let's get nostalgic for a moment and remember a time in history when the world was great. America's economy was strong and the US Commander in Chief was man's man Bill Clinton. Get Big Willy style in this printed tank top depicting all the things we loved about 1990s. Owners...
Bask in the beautiful glory that is the Three Trump Moon. We thought it would take just one Trump to pull the country from the cold snowflake darkness, but it might take three.
"This shirt came out of the box and I was immediately 200% more 'Murica! After 14 years in the Army I thought I was pretty patriotic, but I immediately got a freedom erection (Freerection) which- no lie- became an Army Ranger and hunted down a terrorist cell all on its...
Ben Franklin would appreciate where his legacy has taken him. To a tank top with Warhol-inspired colors. It's patriotic. It's colorful. It's 'Merica.
More than 240 years have passed since we sent those sissy brits running back to their motherland. And, like our forefathers before us, we are still too cool for british rule. We are the makers of tennessee whiskey, Chuck Norris, and barbecue sauce. Represent!
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The most swole US President, Liftin' B. Johnson. Available in sleeveless if your biceps can't be contained, just like Johnson's.
AMERICAN AF ON INSTAGRAM

ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

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