• EVERY DAY IS INDEPENDENCE DAY WHEN YOU’RE AMERICAN AF!

ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

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The only thing more glorious than Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump's hair is this tank top. Your personal guns will send the "You're Fired" message loud and clear in this sleeveless number. One look at all the proud Americans in our fan photos will prove this is the most Patriotic...
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Celebrate founding father George Washington in the role he was always meant to play, cyborg eagle trainer. This tank top depicts the sci-fi movie we all wish would be coming soon to a theater near you, an action-packed patriotic thriller that tells the real story of how George Washington tackled...
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You’re stuck in a frozen apocalyptic wasteland, surrounded by 20-ft gorillas, and an American flag at your back. What do you do? The answer is simple: What Would Chesty Do? WWCD, because ‘Merica!
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When Lincoln had had enough of the South's silliness, he rode on top of his blood-thirsty brown bear with an assault rifle in hand to deliver the Gettysburg Address. The outcome? They put up a good fight, but succumbed in the end. When you've had enough of the BS raining...
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Let's get nostalgic for a moment and remember a time in history when the world was great. America's economy was strong and the US Commander in Chief was man's man Bill Clinton. Get Big Willy style in this printed tank top depicting all the things we loved about 1990s. Owners...
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Check out the image on this tank top. Is it the 4th of July showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Is it the Rolling Stones US Tour Logo? Is it Monica Lewinsky just after leaving the Oral (oops, I mean) Oval Office?
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The biggest conspiracy from the 1960s isn't if we put a man on the moon, it's JFK's set-up assassination. He knew NASA was on its way to the moon, and he wanted to be there. Although JFK was a great president in his short tenure, he had a higher calling:...
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Cursed for causing small children to choke and adults to feel intense pain when stepped on, American legos have done away with their earthly existence, making lego independence day more of an intergalactic affair. Fortunately, they decided to take the American flag with them on their journey: “That’s one small...
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Puns—without them, how else would English majors have any sense of self-worth? No matter what you studied in school, the complexity of your vocabulary or your ability to keep up with fast-firing wordplay, there’s one patriotic pun that takes the cake: “May the 4th be with you.” Think about it—few...
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You don't get any more American than this shirt. American flag? Check. National landmark featuring four of our greatest leaders? Check. A bald eagle carrying a rifle and shooting lasers out of his eyes? A patriotic check! If only the lasers on Mount Rushmore existed in real life, then we'd...
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Need a new work-out shirt? We've got just the inspiration for you. It's sleeveless, because let's be honest, your guns can't be contained while getting swole. You've got a classic man versus beast image, perfectly encapsulating your man versus metal mentality while lifting poundage. Nixon battling a saber-tooth tiger in...
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How do you take your Ronald Reagan? At The White House? Perhaps inside Air Force One? Both are appealing, but we’ll do you one better—how about Reagan on the moon? No spacecraft, no spacesuit, no oxygen—no problem. The dude was a Hollywood actor before hitting The Oval Office—as such, he...
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Regan doubled as an undercover president to get the message across, "Don't mess with America!" Driving around in his classic American-made Mustang, the president planted bombs to get masses of bad guys. He shot through the front windshield, because it takes too long to stick your gun out the window,...
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What's the most American way to chase down bad guys trying to take our freedom? In an American-colored classic mustang. This ultimately American shirt displays one of our greats, Reagan, getting business done in the most American way possible. While driving down the competition, he shoots through the windowshield, undoubtedly...
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There are great American presidents, and then there are great American presidents who lassoed themselves velociraptors. In between ending the Cold War and saving tax payers money when the air traffic controllers went on strike, Reagan trained his pet velociraptor, who he named Red, to hold the American flag while...
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Slip on this Statue of Liberty tank top and you'll be attracting all the tired, poor, and huddled masses you can handle -- all summer long! No need to fight the tourist crowds when you can hang with Lady Liberty on your very own chest.
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This shirt has the most believable fictitious image you will ever see. "Teddy Roosevelt VS Bigfoot"...I can see it. C'mon, the man would take on former pro boxers while he was in the White House. One encounter left him nearly blind in one eye! He scaled The Matterhorn, a 15,000...
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Check out this tank top featuring a gung ho, bitch ass, bastard, bad boy, bat outta hell Teddy Roosevelt. From what I hear, this is not an artist’s interpretation, but an actual painting, created from three eyewitness accounts who were there. This is a close-up shot of a much bigger...
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Strong she is, Lady Liberty. Combine your love for the two best things in the Universe -- Star Wars and America -- with this patriotic space tank top. You'll be able to easily maneuver your light saber as a "Defender of Peace" in this sleeveless number.
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The world looks a bit different after Sharknado. Aviation emergency procedures reflect the new hazards in the sky, inspired by George W's narrow escape after Air Force One sucked up a shark in one of the engines. If your life vest doesn't automatically inflate, press the "Don't you know I'm...
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In a space mission gone awry, our hero, Thomas Jefferson, finds himself confined by speaking gorillas. He escapes his cell only to be chased down by two of the prison guards, both angry to not have been born as Americans. Cornered by the beasts, Jefferson pulls out his secret weapon,...
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America's freedom spans far beyond the borders of the U.S.A. This shirt will expand your patriotism into the far-reaching conscious of the Universe -- into galaxies far, far away. And you won't be held back by any close-minded, restricting sleeves.
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Ain’t no party like a constitutional party, cause a constitutional party don’t stop. That’s right, you know our forefathers could throw down like a hoe-down on the 4th of July. Because back then, the only water around was that stuff that fish shit in, and you know, because ‘Merica!
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When you’re in the middle of a frozen wasteland, staring death in the face, give it a little smirk. Just like Chesty. Because there’s no evil in the world that can’t be exterminated with a little American grit and a lot of firepower.
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‘Merica! F*** yeah! Chesty Puller is here to save the day. He’s loaded up and ready to kill with the spirit of the Stars and Stripes behind him. Because it doesn’t matter if you’re in enemy territory and surrounded 29-to-1… that only simplifies the problem.
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The tank top that features the Patriot of all Patriots. Wrestler "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan is more Patriot than Tom Brady could ever dream of being. Holding the American Flag, flashing the thumbs up, and smiling (I guess) for his throngs of fans.
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Cheap labor, knock-off handbags and political corruption—it’s the world’s trash, and it’s exactly the the kind of thing Capitol Eagle keeps from crossing into American territory! And don’t try any funny business—perched atop Capitol Hill, Capitol Eagle sees your every move …
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What can be said about the image on this shirt? It's nice knowing that the Son of God is on our side. I just hope someone informs Jesus that getting caught handling an animal on the endangered species list carries with it a huge fine and possible jail time, depending...
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Move over, Aristocats—there’s a new pussycat posse in town. Sure, they love playing with balls of yarn, climbing kitchen curtains and ignoring humans, but more than anything, they’re about the very thing that makes America great—freedom. Without the power to make it happen, how else would they make a name...
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For most middle-aged men with hairlines retreating faster than the French army, feelings of shame, despair and anguish begin to set in. Fortunately, as America’s official emblem, the bald eagle summons emotions of a more confident, stalwart nature. Yes, the head of a bald eagle looks like a cue ball,...
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Shockingly, most of the world’s inhabitants believe pizza originates from parts of Central and Southern Italy. To put this in perspective, however, those same people are also afraid of North Korea and Kim Jong-un’s haircut—see what we’re getting at, here? Breathe easy, faithful patriots—pizza is as American as baseball, apple...
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Brain freezes, sticky fingers and sugar rushes aside, growing up, nothing was more American than chowing down on a few Rocket Pops. Years later, no matter if your biceps look Hulk Hogan’s or a pair of popsicle sticks, this tank top is for you.
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Check out Rambo on this sweet shirt. In the midst of a battle, bloodied and beaten, Rambo can take time to acknowledge Merica. Either that or he's firing an imaginary M2 Browning Machine Gun.
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Get the shirt featuring Top Gun Donald Trump. He flies without a helmet or oxygen mask. Why no helmet? The hair of course. Why no mask? He wouldn't be able to talk to his hordes of fans!
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Serving as America’s national bird, the bald eagle has already done more than enough to earn the respect of patriots everywhere. Following in Neil Armstrong’s steps, however, the bird will soar to new heights, checking intergalactic travel off of its to-do list. So, if muscular enough to show off your...
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This is the must have gift for this Holiday Season. The image of Honest Abe giving the thumbs up is classic. It doesn't matter if you're familiar with the movie "Top Gun" or not. This is the funniest, most unique image, ever printed on a t-shirt.
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This guy shows up everywhere. He's superhuman. Actually, he's General James Mattis, pictured here boarding his craft at Top Gun This is only one of the many General Mattis shirts we offer. Get them all! Collect and trade them with your friends!
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Just as any American boy must kiss a woman to truly become a man, so too must a kitten suit up for space exploration to become a full-grown cat. Pay your respects to our furry feline friends with this one-of-a-kind tank top—cat dander not included …
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Who knew exploring new worlds could be so adorable? Puppy astronaut is the American hero we've all been hoping for. He deserves a treat and a belly rub after all that probing. Such a good boy!
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Well this American as F*** tank was a hell of a conversation-starter. We philosophized all kinds of wondrous freedom-injected solutions to the world’s problems. And in the end, an Abraham Lincoln majestically riding his trusty grizzly bear atop an American flag with a machine gun was the ultimate solution. Because...
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By the power of Ronald Reagan, I deem this shirt American as F***. I haven’t taken this badass ‘Merica tank off since the day I got it. Right out of the package, I felt a surge of Velociraptor fierceness, grabbed my machine gun, and took Raegan out for some shoots...
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I knew I felt something special when I ordered this shirt. When I put it on, my wife suddenly recovered from her nightly “headache”. I finally fixed my rusty old jeep, and then found a $100 bill in the glovebox. When I went to work, the copier worked perfectly, there...
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When you’re a sci-fi freak, a revolutionary, and a loyal follower of the great Andrew Jackson, it’s hard to find clothes that fit your personality. Well AAF, you have done it! With this great American-as-f*** tank I’ll finally be able to express my personal beliefs right across my bulging chest....
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Time to let those shysty little alien f***ers know what’s up! I’ve had it up to here with those little bastards! They shine their beaming lights into my window every night, like some kind of damn intergalactic peeping toms. Well, I’ve got a show planned for them tonight! I just...
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In our future post-apocalyptic world, you’ve got to have a good supply of shirts to help you blend in. This FDR tank will be perfect. It will melt into the surrounding devastation, AND it will help show off my f***ing awesome biceps, which will no doubt triple in size. It...
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I swear this shirt makes my bulge look bigger. Like its great powers of badassery increased my dick size by 6 inches. But that’s not all - not by a long shot. I can now shoot a squirrel from a half-mile away, and a butterfly from a quarter-mile. Those motherf***in...
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A lightcycle, the preferred mode of transportation for the Patriot on a mission. The British would have turned back at the mere sight of Paul Revere screaming up and down the New England Coast. Although, he's fully decked out in the skin tight riding leathers, with matching boots and gloves,...
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What a sweet looking tank top. A lightcycle, the preferred mode of transportation for the Patriot on a mission. The British would have turned back at the mere sight of Paul Revere screaming up and down the New England Coast. He may want to consider trading in that lantern for...
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They say Ben Franklin didn't rest while he tried to prove lightning and electricity were related. What he was actually doing was battling Zeus in the name of America. Zeus was upset at our newfound freedom; if people couldn't control other people then it was only a matter of time...
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It's a myth that Ben Franklin flew a kite during a lighting storm, that's the pansy version of what really happened. Franklin used the kite as a jet pack while protecting America from all the haters. He built himself wolverine-style spikes in his hands (he was inventor after all) that...
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I don't know why you're surprised to see George Washington as the Master Chief. He's the original in everything and has always done it better. He'd be the guy doing sneak attacks on the enemy, just like back in the day on the Delaware River on Christmas. He wrote the...
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Before America could be 100% free, George Washington had to separate the states from Great Britain and rid the countryside of zombies. It's a tale that so few have heard, but I can now proudly launch into the story every time someone asks me about this shirt. I love to...
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Quick quiz....What was the name of Rex Kwon Do's wife, in the movie Napolean Dynamite?.......He got to go home to Starla....Remember? Get this shirt and be ready to relive every quote from this classic film.
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Get yourself the only tank top dedicated to "Rex Kwon Do". The karate master and baddest character right behind Napoleon Dynamite's Grandma. He's Jackie Chan and Uncle Sam rolled into one.
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The official mascot of freedom wants you to proudly display those rock hard guns. Superimposed over old glory, this eagle is serious- serious about freedom and gun shows. The hardcore detailing makes it look like the eagle is real. He's real ready to strike at non-gun flaunting, freedom haters.
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Get your sexy Rocky Balboa shirts people! This shit is too hot to hold onto for long. Rocky’s going to give Hillary the old 1-2, and then we’ll definitely be sold out of these bad boys. Show off your guns and show off the Trump glory - all with one...
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This is what it looks like when The Donald has a wet dream. If you also dream of hunting the Clinton Predator like a badass Trump-enegger, then this shirt might be for you. Because “If she bleeds, we can kill it!”.
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A giant lizard woman is attacking the country. But don’t be afraid. Arnold Trump-enegger says, “If she bleeds, we can kill it!”.
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LOL...The image on this tank top leaves me speechless. Put this bad boy on and go take a stroll through the mall. The looks you get will be priceless. It's meaning? Beats me. All I know is that it's funnier than sh**. I'm Donald Trump and I'm not too sure,...
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When you're America's most powerful business man, a typical mechanical private jet just won't do. Trump has used his negotiation skills and charming personality to tame the wild bald eagle for his personal transportation. Enjoy the breeze from the eagle's flapping wings on your biceps and underarms in this patriotic...
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Mattis is a bad mother f***er, but Mattis the Barbarian takes it to a whole new level - a level where you can wear fur panties and still be the manly, ass-kicking, total badass barbarian that makes Chuck Norris look like a sweet old lady.
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Check out this sweet Donald Trump tank top. "It's Comboverman the Barbarian" aka "The Twoterminator" aka "The Running (for President) Man" aka "Commando (in chief)". Look, but don't touch people....especially the hair.
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Sources tell us that numerous countries are using this tank top as a motivational tool for their athletes. Walk into the Olympic Training Center in Iceland, Peru, or Trinidad/Tobago (wherever that is). It looks like an Annual Convention of the Michael Phelps Fan Club. USA....setting the example for excellence around...
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Is there anything cuter than patriotic puppies? These All-American pooches will ensure you get picked first for the 4th of July kickball tournament. Order yours now for the holiday bark-b-que.
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"Is that a Roman Soldier over there?"..."Get him outa here".."Go on, fellas you want to show those soldiers the door please"......."and I only have this to say to you lions....YOU"RE FIRED!"
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What’s more American than General “Mad Dog” Mattis standing before the stars and stripes? That image on a muscle shirt, preferably worn with cut-off jeans at your next shotgun wedding.
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Wear this sweet tank, and feel the power of Chesty. When you walk out the door, bald eagles will soar down before your eyes. When you hit the gym, you’ll throw down an epic f**ing chest day, leaving the peons to revel in your glory. And when you hit the...
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When the weight of 28 Olympic medals around your neck, American heroes like Michael Phelps can't be bothered to deal with your sh*t. Leave this American treasure alone or the honorary bald eagle will show you what's up. Take the lesson from Phelps, pull on this tank top, pull up...
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Are you not entertained? The most bad-ass, blood-thirsty US Presidential candidate in history is giving the performance of a lifetime in the 2016 election. Donald Trump knows how to win and he's going for it. America will never be the same after Trump reigns victorious over the evils of gladiator...
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Mad Donald Trump is furious and coming for Hillary in November.  Get this shirt and trigger your favorite liberal!
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“If you f* with me, I’ll kill you all!!!” This is General “Mad Dog” Mattis, mother f**ers, the man who once killed 20 jihadists with a single grenade… before it exploded. Forget about the crooked old lady and the spray-tanned man-baby. When it comes time to dine in hell, we’ll...
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NO RETREAT! NO SURRENDER! That is Spartan law, and Spartan law is a big, beautiful, glorious thing. Just like Trump. And his big, beautiful wall. And his big, beautiful hands.
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This is what Clint Eastwood would look like after serving a 25 year stretch in Folsum Prison. Get the t-shirt featuring a tatted out, prison hardened Clint. An OG for sure.
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America's hero. Never forget. Harambe may no longer be with us, but Harambo won't go out like that.
It's time to embrace a brave new world.  A world where you can Rock Out With Your Cock Out. One Size Fits Most with Adjustable Buckle/Bottle Opener. 60 inches long with adjustable buckle. Accommodates waist sizes 32” to 44” with at least a 12" cöck flop. You walk into the bar,...
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It's the Inglorious Bastard himself, Aldo Raine. Look at the image on this tank top, and tell me Brad Pitt's character isn't an OG. I dare you.
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The original mastermind of business cards and brutal murder is well represented in the Inked American Psycho printed tank. Order today and be swinging sleeves free in the spring.
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Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can't you see? This tank top is something I need. Sing along to the '90s icon on this Inked Biggie tank.
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The transformation of Walter White into Heisenberg never quite felt complete, but on this Inked Heisenberg tank -- the tattoos complete the man.
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Why so serious? Put a smile on your face and this Inked Joker tank on your body. You'll perk right up.
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Inked Murray is representing Ghostbusters and his general awesomeness in this one-of-a-kind dyed tank. You might not be as cool as Bill Murray, but this shirt will get you close.
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“If you f* with me, I’ll kill you all!!!” This is General “Mad Dog” Mattis, mother f**ers, the man who once killed 20 jihadists with a single grenade… before it exploded. Forget about the crooked old lady and the spray-tanned man-baby. When it comes time to dine in hell, we’ll...
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ONLY COMMIES SEND SPAM... AND WE AREN'T COMMIES

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